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controlling idiot

5 replies

Lovelyworld1 · 08/10/2024 12:57

My 19 ds suffered/ suffers with body/ face dysmorphia wouldn’t go out and staying in his room. He had online consultation with priory psych and CBT but didn’t engage. 6 weeks ago I threatened him with eviction if he didn’t help himself get better. There was a big upset and I took his phone away as his conversation seemed too involved politically and I was worried as also weed was an issue. He was self medicating with it.
He was on his phone constantly.
I also demanded he run every other day and go to the shops every day with my credit card. After a lot of initial resistance he is now going out to the shops every day without issue and running 5 k every other day. He is also taking sertraline. He seems in a much better place and the house is calm. He says he feels all right now but finds it very difficult to talk or admit to his mental health struggles.
I feel I should give him his phone back but I’m worried as when I let him have it for half an hour a week ago he arranged to meet his friends and he admitted that he smoked weed. He promised me he would not smoke regularly as he feels better. They also gave him a spare phone as (they felt sorry for him) which he allowed me to take off him.
My worry is that if he has his phone. which he is not asking for at the moment, things will go backwards with his MH, weed taking, politics but equally I don’t feel it is right for me to be so controlling to an adult/ thinking his phone makes his MH worse.
He seems so childlike and clueless, passive and easily led. No ASD diagnosis
He has no LD and got good GCSE grades but things got bad over covid and since.
Any advice from people in similar situations would be appreciated.

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 09/10/2024 02:16

He's an adult. Give him his phone back, you seem very very controlling.

BlaiseBaileyFinneganiii · 09/10/2024 02:41

You demanded that he go for a run every other day?

Are you serious?

Of course you should give him his phone back!

semideponent · 09/10/2024 04:44

Who pays for his phone contract?

I think I'd wait until he asked for it proactively. And I'd only give it back if he were paying for it. Otherwise you're just giving out mixed messages. Don't be like his friends.

Garlicbest · 09/10/2024 05:08

Sounds like it's been tough. Glad he's feeling better. I agree that, assuming you pay for his phone, you don't have to give it back if you aren't minded to. And definitely not if he hasn't asked for it! He had the sense to hand you the phone his mates gave him - why muddy that water now?

Wishing him (and you) a continued recovery.

Lovelyworld1 · 13/10/2024 21:58

Thank you for the replies.
I have given his phone back which I pay for after a 7 week break from it on Thursday. He didn’t ask but since he’s in a much better place now mentally and he is continuing going out daily and running I decided to trust him. Haven’t seen him on it. Leaves it about the house, forgets about it now.
He's not smoking weed. Thank goodness. Doesn’t want to.
He says when he met up with the friends that smoke he knew it was pointless and wrong. Felt bad the next day. Mind you I’m watching him like a hawk.
I think he’s had a reset and now admits he was in a bad place mentally. I think his obsession with the phone was adding to his anxiety. He’s running with his Garmin, going to the shops daily I said to him .. continue to recover from the fear you had of going out. I said.. take as long as you need to heal as much time as you need to improve your mental health (as it was so bad) and understand who you are.
Im hopeful he will be OK

My generation (Gen X) used to call if finding ourselves

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