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Adult DS MH getting worse - how can I help him when he avoids support?.

11 replies

LongStory · 08/10/2024 05:32

DS (24) has dreadful MH but refuses to seek support. He just says he wants to die. No job, no chance of getting one in this state.

Dreadful influence on younger siblings (I am single parent, working full time). He did at one point express an interest in Uni in a town a few hours away so I helped him apply - and he has recently started - moved into halls. I thought this might give him a new start and relieve some pressure at home.

It seems to have failed. He has gone off his meds, not registered with a GP (his previous practice have removed him as he told them he is no longer living in the area where he stayed after he came back from a year abroad. I have filled in the forms with him for the new practice, but he has refused to take them.) He is not attending lectures and has deliberately not spoken to anyone in the first 3 weeks. Oh and he took himself to A&E with an imaginary overdose. He hasn't allowed much consent etc for seeking support etc as he actively avoids things that might help.

His Dad hasn't been much help, although he did go visit him last time he had a MH crisis.

My question is - what can I practically do here. I think he needs substantial professional help, possibly a period as an inpatient. I can't have him live at home, it's not safe for his younger siblings. He only speaks to me every few days, and his Dad maybe once a week.

He's just starting another manic episode, talking about suicide all rhe time, and it's very scary. Is there anything I can do to access support?

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 08/10/2024 05:36

I wish I had more wisdom but I am following your thread as my DS (25) is in pretty much exactly the same situation and I’m scared and exhausted and don’t know what else to do. I feel like banging my head on a wall and weeping and then I am angry and sad in turn.
I‘m sorry you are going through this too

Blueberry40 · 08/10/2024 05:43

So sorry your DS is in a bad way, mine had a year or so of being suicidal when he was in his teens- it’s terrifying and desperately frustrating. I can’t vouch for this but there seems to be some solid research behind it and the NHS use it so could be worth a try for him if you or his dad can afford to hire one https://www.flowneuroscience.com

Good luck OP 🙏🏻

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Blueberry40 · 08/10/2024 05:48

There’s also useful information on rethink.org

Not sure where your son is but make sure he has numbers for any local crisis services if there are any and Samaritans etc. If he doesn’t want to spea to anyone but feels suicidal he can use the text crisis line at SHOUT Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK

Blueberry40 · 08/10/2024 05:53

Also could you contact student well-being services at the uni he’s at and let them know you’re extremely concerned for his welfare- he might not engage with anything offered but it’s worth a try.

ACAC2023 · 08/10/2024 05:55

Have you looked on the University webpages for Student Services or similar. Most Universities will allow a parent/ concerned friend/ relative to complete a form/ Send an email/ call with a concern and they will at the very minimum do a Welfare check and provide support to the student. Due to GDPR they won’t be able to update you without the student’s consent but they should definitely reach out and support the student.

LongStory · 08/10/2024 06:03

Thanks yes I have been in touch with student services. Everyone is wonderful and he goes along with it for a bit and then slides away.... so frustrating!!!

OP posts:
LongStory · 08/10/2024 06:15

Maggie BsBoat I am so sorry that you are going though something similar. The Rethink link is helpful - v practical.

OP posts:
Ozanj · 08/10/2024 06:18

Have you tried to get him sectioned? Not sure how easy it would be as it’s all area dependant- his uni might be able to give you advice.

LongStory · 08/10/2024 06:29

It needs two professional Dr's to agree to get sectioned - I am hours away with other responsibilities, he won't access GP or speak to any professionals. I wouldn't even know how to get that in motion.

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 08/10/2024 06:32

Why is he not safe for your other children?

LongStory · 08/10/2024 06:50

He is emotionally distressed all the time, taking my energy away from them and making the home tense and unhappy. This is magnified as he doesn't have a bedroom and is on the sofa in the kitchen/diner.

OP posts:
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