Can’t face going to party

[Star8181]

Surprise party for a friend tomorrow. I can’t face going - social anxiety. All my life I’ve gone to parties / social events and hated it. I can’t cope with having to make small talk and pretend I’m enjoying it. I’ve just hit a wall and at the age of 40 I’ve realised I don’t want to put myself through the stress. Why am I doing things that I don’t enjoy?! Wondering if friend will be annoyed.

It's a surprise, how will they know you kn̈ew?

@DoreenonTill8 It’s for one of my closest friends, she’ll know I should be there.

I'd not go but say you have a cold or something to mutual friends. And then apologise to friend after the party for having been ill and unable to make it. But also try to find help for your anxiety so you don't find yourself in same situation regularly or end up isolated?

Parties aren't for everyone. It's ok not to like them. But I don't think you should lie to your friend.

The day after, why not send her flowers or something and a note explaining that although you love spending time with her, you couldn't face the event because it's the sort of thing you've dreaded for years, etc. And maybe suggest meeting up with her soon, so that she knows it was the party that was the problem, not her.

Thanks both, I feel calmer now, I could feel the panic rising in my chest.
I always feel like a spare part at parties, never knowing who to talk to etc. I can do small groups up to about 3/4, then it just seems overwhelming and I clam up and can’t speak.
I will apologise to friend, I have a gift for her I need to drop off anyway.

I used to be a social butterfly but mid to late forties I just decided I wasn't going to deal with the stress of the social side of my life which I've masked for years. I like all of my friends, but much prefer seeing them on a 1:1 basis than in groups. I also hate going out for more than a couple of hours these days. Actually, I'd quite like to be a hermit for a week or so - see what it's like! My friends accept me for who I am so I don't need to make excuses, but a little white lie never hurt anyone if it's too difficult to be honest.