Husband recovers from depression

[madgiemadge]

Sounds good but I am struggling to cope with his change of personality. He has had depression 50 years, all the time I’ve known him. Now he is not prepared to put up with issues, people who annoy him. His temper is volatile, he shouts. “I don’t understand him”. I don’t know what to do. We cannot communicate and I am at my wits end. Is there anyone on here who has experienced this?

He's become more aggressive? I wouldn't say this sounds as though his mental health is improved?

What do you mean he's recovered ?

He has not recovered.
He is angry.
Set your boundaries
Send him back to his mh nurse or GP

Thank you, I agree with you but he is adamant he feels great. After years of having to be meek and mild he is happy.

He sounds manic.

I want to do this but it made him angry. I try to “set boundaries “ he agreed in principle but is upset and moody

He has been manic before but says this isn’t the same

What are you finding difficult about his behaviour?

Thanks for the question. A lot of the time we are enjoying life and feeling grateful he feels happy. Then he expresses a slightly controversial opinion and if I disagree he gets really shouty. He says he wants to engage in a debate and wants to be contradicted but he can’t handle it. He has fallen out with family and friends. He has started campaigning against our local council. His views make sense but he cannot keep calm and rational.

So what s your strategy when he shout?
You can walk away for example

My ex husbands behavior and personality changed beyond recognition when he sought treatment for depression. Initially I thought the meds were helping but he became quite belligerent and nasty which wasn’t who he was when I met him. He couldn’t see it and thought he was great and much improved, more outgoing and confident. He was taking too many risks, especially with money and in the end we separated.

Thank you very much for this. It sounds similar. I don’t know if the meds ever helped all the years he suffered really badly from depression. Now maybe he has gone into a different phase of it. I am seriously starting to think we may have to separate but it’s so sad as he is ill. Friends tell me I need to think about myself more. At the moment I am waiting for the hospital to phone me as I want to speak to his psychiatrist on my own. I really appreciate your comment.

If he starts shouting I have tried various things, sometimes I stand there gaping and shocked, sometimes I argue back, if I were to walk away I think he would get more enraged.

Leave him to be enraged then. You are not obliged to be there
If he is so enraged he harms himself or damages objects call his mh team and or police
Let him know thru your behaviour it is not OK and you won't be there for it

You can take charge of your (re)actions
Easier said than done but make your decision and act
Eg always carry charged mobile on you so you can easily remove yourself

He has fallen out with family and friends. He has started campaigning against our local council. His views make sense but he cannot keep calm and rational.

I would certainly find this tough OP. It sounds like he is struggling to find his true self, now that he finally feels like his voice has broken through the depression he is having trouble exerting self control.

Can you speak to friends and family, are they willing to engage with him at all? Can you share your concerns with GP?

I'd be quite worried about someone who was becoming more volatile.
Have his meds changed / or stopped working?
Do you think his anger might turn physical?
You need to really look after yourself

How old is he? Could it be dementia related

You speak wisdom, thank you so much. I contacted the police as he threatened to drive off a cliff. 2 nights ago. This was a way of making me take him seriously but there was a chance he’d do it so I had to dial 999. I am going to contact his MH team.

(Exp had depression now in grandiose mode and can be angry. We have to deal with council for some issues jointly and I get officials telling me they need to talk to him about his aggressive behaviour towards them.....I can only say it is not my responsibility. I have no control. When I receive I put phone down or walk off and yes it enrages but it is his issue)

Yes 999 every time.

You can inform his team. But he has to want to engage

Thank you for being so empathic. I have spoken to my friends although they listen and are sympathetic to me they don’t really understand. I am hoping to have a one to one with his psychiatrist.

I guess it’s for me. I need support through this. That is why you are all so kind on here. It’s the first time I’ve written a post.

Ask gp to refer you to counsellor to talk from your perspective

Thank you for your suggestions. He would never get physically angry. He is 70 but not going towards dementia, still pretty on the ball. I don’t know about his meds. I hope to see his psychiatrist.

I dont think his psychiatrist will speak to you about him without his explicit permission