Mental health and sickness. TW - suicide.

[FlippertyFlopperty]

I'm finding life so difficult. If this is rock bottom, then I'm there. I cry most days and can't seem to see anything through a positive light. Ending my life has been on my mind multiple times.

Work has been especially challenging. I've been there a number of years and have always been a capable, respected member of the team. I've achieved highly and I'm renowned for being fun and friendly. Just lately though I've lost my get go and everything seems like an uphill struggle. I've cried quite a number of times in meetings with my manager lately. He's been utterly supportive but I've come to the point where I'm considering sick leave in order to feel better. Has anyone been at this point in their lives?

Please speak to your Dr as you sound depressed

The gp will lost likely want you on antidepressants if you tell them why you want to go sick leave. Doesn't sound a bad idea op atm for you ❤️

Thank you @cattywat @Hoardasurass . I've been put on anti depressants so waiting for those to kick in.

I have been in this state a few times. Sometimes it helped to stay at work. Sometimes it helped to have a bit of time off and come back to work gradually.

It's always helped to talk to the professionals about it. I remember one time crying a lot in the kitchen but having a really helpful phone call with the community mental health crisis team.

Make an appointment to see your GP as soon as you can, but know that there are people you can call straight away.

Community mental health teams https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-health-services/community-mental-health-services
Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources: https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health. You can also go to the Samaritans website: https://www.samaritans.org or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I've been in a similar boat lately. I've been given a crisis plan, that was a bit of a scary moment but I'm glad I've got it. Please talk to someone.

If you can't cope and you think it will help take the time you need.

I'm still working. I had some time off last year (I wasn't this bad then though) and it didn't really help because I was dreading going back. I've started some new talking therapy and I'm trying to get better. I don't have a supportive manager though so that's good that you have!

You can use access to work mental health support too, but I think it might be hit and miss. The person I had at maximus was lovely.

I have some really important work coming up soon. I'm worrying that I'm going to miss it.

You are more important than your work.

Does your work have an employee assistance program? Mine has an emotional support phone line.

It's really hard to ask for help. I've only managed it this time because I was so scared. Is there someone safe you can speak to?

Also, when you start antidepressants the first few weeks can be awful. It will pass.

Hey, i am a mental health nurse, i have felt like this myself exactly as you wrote it, so much crap affecting me in my home life and then working in inpatient adolescent CAMHS for many years and i put my life and soul into working there, loved it then i just couldnt cope any longer, my job was HARD, kids on the edge every day dealing with everything you can think of and i was a popular nurse with the kids, honestly it was great fun with them at times.

But then i couldnt function, life hit me like a ton of bricks, i could barely do my job any longer, i was tearful at work and having to hide it from everyone, then i fractured my toe and had to be off work for a couple months cos i couldnt walk. when it was time to go back to work and i went to GP for the last sick cert, they asked me if i needed anything else and i broke down told them i was in a bad way and i just couldnt go back yet. I was wearing my pjs inside my clothes and they could see i wasnt doing good. I knew my depressive feelings and burn out and everything was situational and i didnt want anti depressants because that would not solve the problems, but i needed time out from everything and my GP signed me off, i took 5 off months and i spent many day waking up laying on my bed all day and tears rolling down my face.

No one else really knew much, but i slowly started to feel less consumed and focused on drawing and painting art, meditating and listening to zen music etc, it helped and then i was lucky in a way as i was about to go back to work i bloody fractured my other toe on other foot and needed crutches so it gave me longer off work and to recover and find a bit of me again. That was in 2018/2019.. my body, my mind and my life needed that rest.. I was at complete breakdown point.

now things are good, i work in the community and im back to being the nurse i was before life knocked the wind out of me

Seek advice, get medication if it works for you. But dont leave things as they are, if you dont look after yourself work will become harder, you wont be able to focus and it will consume your energy amongst other things. Things can and will improve once you make the first step. You are not alone and you can get through this, but please reach out for help

I have had time off work a couple of times and times when I have kept going regardless. For me it's a tricky balance to walk because the routine of work is beneficial for my mental health but pushing myself into work is detrimental to my mental health. I find that my functioning ability drops in the week I stop work because I level out at a functioning more fitting with my mood rather than doing more than is good for me.

This time of year can make things tricky. One year I had from September to the end of December off work. It was the afternoon before I was functioning which meant I only saw daylight at the weekends which then had a negative impact on my mood. I would advice if you do take time off try to see daylight every day even if it's just for a short time.

Find way to give yourself routine. The same episode I struggled as all I could manage was sitting on the sofa and the hours and days were blurring. I developed a bit of routine by watching certain TV shows at a certain time. It stopped the mindless watching. I ate my lunch with the Gilmore girls. I listened to phone ins in the morning. Escapism in the afternoon when my mood as flagging. Putting people into my world to feel less isolated whilst not having the pressure to communicate.

For the road back, make the most of fit notes. When my maternity leave finished I went on to sick leave. After a month I went back 2 days a week. After a couple of weeks I went up to 3 days. I struggled to get past 3 days as 3 days in a row was too much. I tried to get up to 4 days. In the end I settled on 4 days but with Wednesdays off and made it permanent. It took 2 months to get to this point

I'm sorry so many have been in the same boat. When you returned to work, how was your boss and colleagues?

When i returned to work they were ok and i went back on a fazed return so half days pretty much for a few weeks to get back into things, however it felt a while longer before i felt properly good being back, but my colleagues were great. I work in mental health so it would have been shitty if they had been off with me tbh. But generally it was ok and i felt like i wanted in a way to be doing things again, plus the kids who were there before i went off and hadn't been discharged were so happy to see me which made a big difference also

I was in a similar position, 90% of it was work-related stress.

Sick leave and antidepressants got me through the acute phase when my body said ENOUGH and the physical symptoms of my anxiety made it impossible to eat or sleep let alone work.

After that, reasonable adjustments at work (WFH basically) helped me to slowly go back to functioning.

But what really made a difference was removing the part of my job that was causing the stress.

It sounds like your employers and colleagues were both supportive which is great. I'm terrified of the work I'm missing and have to catch up on when I return.

I had a complete breakdown a year ago and just could not function anymore. My body and mind completely collapsed and I started making plans to end it a couple of days after that.

My GP literally saved my life by see me really quickly, putting me on Citalopram straight away and referring me immediately to the mental heath crisis team who came to see me everyday for 2 weeks while the antidepressants kicked in. I was then referred for 16 counselling sessions.

I was off work for almost 2 months.

So please go and see your GP and get some time off work before you burn out completely.

Work is a major stress factor for me as they have not been supportive of my health crisis so although I went back to work I am looking at finding something else to eliminate that stress completely. No job is worth losing your health over.

Hi OP, sorry to read this, I hope you feel better soon. Can I ask how old you are, could it be your hormones, I lost all faith in my abilities after Covid and menopause hit at the same time.... there was no evidence to suggest I was rubbish at my job, likely as there isn't with yours, but I felt internally that I couldn't function like I used too. It's does get better, whether it's hormones or general mental health.

You will get through this. I have been there and it seemed impossible but it DID end. Also to echo the poster above if you are anywhere near perimenopause please explore that. I can honestly say that HRT saved my life, when huge amounts of antidepressants and other meds just didn't help. I took sick leave, work were very supportive. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I've taken sick leave for mental health reasons, and my employer was absolutely fine about it. I think that, these days, only really crap employers would treat mental illness as a less acceptable reason for sick leave.

A word of warning, though. If you take sick leave make sure that you take long enough to really give yourself the care you need. A few snatched days won't give you time to heal, or to put anything in place for future healing. You won't have time to wind down from your anxiety about work and the pressures of imminent return. Think about several weeks, at least. Not days

My bosses boss pulled (board level boss) pulled me to one side on my first day back and said they wanted me back healthy and once so not to rush back only to relapse and need more time off. I only qualified for 28 days full pay and 28 days unpaid leave. He reassured me that they had agreed to pay for the full sick leave especially as in month 2 I started my phased return. The bulk of my illness had been during my mat leave.

It's been so reassuring reading your replies so thank you. I'm finding it difficult to relax knowing my work will be in someone else's hands.

I had a complete meltdown this morning. Went missing, took some pills, was found by police. Feeling crap right now and not sure what to do next

Oh @Lovemycat21 . I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Do you have any support?

Hi, I'm early 40s. Everyone is saying I'm too young for the menopause. My head is very fuzzy and cloudy though and I'm so weepy.

Maybe get your bloods checked out then at least you can rule it out, we also get effected by being peri menopausal, and I was peri at your age. Also vitamin d and vitamin everything else, work checking and making sure they are OK. I hope you feel better soon OP x