Driving anxiety - what should I do?

[Ilikeviognier]

This has been gradually getting worse over the last few years and is now worse than ever. I’m now in a place where I’m actively avoiding even making short local car journeys.

A combination of factors I think have let me to this point. I got rid of my own car about 5 Years ago - didn’t need it for work etc and the idea was to use husbands car. I hate driving his car - it’s bigger than I’d like, is full of stuff and it’s hard to see out of the windows - doesn’t seem to bother him but it does me.

I don’t often need to drive - so I’m practicing less and less, which I suppose is a vicious circle in itself. Availability is also an issue - even if I wanted to drive to practice, the car isn’t always around as husband uses it a lot for work.

im now at a point where I need to drive a bit more and a bit further for sons sport - although sporadically - but frankly I’m dreading it.

what do I do here? I’ve thought about buying another small car that would be mine - but that Involves cost of course. I’ve also considered refresher lessons but again, more cost and doesn’t solve the issue of not liking the only car I have access to.

i feel so frustrated and don’t know how this has happened - 10 years ago I was fine- it’s like I’m going backwards! Help.

Practice, practice, practice. Set goals - tomorrow you’ll drive 5 mins away, the next 10 etc. The only way that (new driver) DD really got rid of her driving anxiety was doing long/difficult/unfamiliar journeys that otherwise she didn’t want to. If you don’t do things that make you uncomfortable then you can never learn from your mistakes or build up confidence. At the beginning she’d genuinely be shaking like a leaf if she had to drive 2 mins down the road to the garage, 4 months down the line she’s happy to do any journey whatsoever, even on motorways etc and loves driving.

What is it that you specifically dread re: driving? I don’t think that a smaller car is going to be the magic fix if I’m honest, especially if visibility is your big concern.

Yes you’re right about the practice - and I have been avoiding it so it becomes a vicious circle.

my issue is overthinking - fear of crashing, hurting someone, damaging the car. I have no idea why - I think I’ve just lost my confidence with it slowly, as I did it less.

The car is a factor - I hate driving that particular car and wish I had my own that I could have how i like it - which is contributing to how off putting it is.

If I were you, I'd do a bit of research first, you can put in something like "Returning to driving for a nervous driver" in Google, and it will bring up lots of helpful advice.
I would also consider a refresher course with a driving instructor at a local driving school, in order to give you more confidence. Then if that goes well, and you feel confident again, maybe consider getting yourself a little second hand car, so you can get it as you like it, and keep it that way. It really is only confidence, and you are probably over-thinking it if it is worrying you.
Best of luck.

A big car can give you better view of the roads and make you more viable to other road users. If that's not reassuring, can husband downsize his car to something you both feel happy driving?

Get started ASAP before winter conditions kick in. Start this weekend, take the car out on a quiet weekend morning, no rush. Drive somewhere easy and stop for a cake / cuppa / breaking as a reward (garden centre or something easy to get to and park).... repeat

I think you should buy a car you are happy driving, if you can afford it. Being able to drive is worth a lot. I having driving anxiety and i am much happier driving in my current car. I would also try and identify what has made your anxiety worse and tackle that - maybe wuth medication?

I would practise as much as you can when his car is around. Why can’t you see out of the windows? What stuff is in it? I would get him to clear it-poor visibility out of the windows is clearly not safe.

The problem with trying to do something you hate (driving his car) is that your subconscious mind - in it's effort to keep you happy and safe - will pull out all the stops to prevent you doing that thing by triggering anxiety, avoidance and even fear if that's what it takes.

(I had the same recently when I went for my first formal piano lesson and hated every moment; tried to make myself go for the second and every bit of me was silently screaming "no............"!!! I cancelled the lesson).

A quick course of hypnosis/hypnotherapy is a lot cheaper than a new car and should fix the problem. Or you could just chuck all his stuff out as and when you need to drive.

Does hypnosis work?

tbh i think there’s more than one issue - disliking his car, but also a lack of confidence based on driving less and less over the past few years.

For around 90% of people, yes. Any good practitioner will check by giving you a free initial consultation (and will be able to deal with the issue as a whole). Ask around for recommendations.

I’ll think about the hypnosis - interesting idea. Thanks