Hi, I feel like I never bonded with my eldest (2.5 yrs) and now they hate me. I had a traumatic birth with them but didn’t realise until a while after, I instantly rejected them at birth and I just didn’t realise. My partner immediately took them under his wing with feeds, cuddles, skin on skin, I was exhausted and naive to the whole newborn stage. As time went on I tried to talk to my partner and some close mum friends, how much I resented my baby, my relationship with my partner was suddenly distant and I didn’t recognise the man who I fell in love with, he was all for the baby and not me, I just didn’t exist. my friends said it was normal to feel that way and really common so I disregarded my own emotions. My partner didn’t know what PND was until he googled it and saw the worst (cause harm to baby) and threatened to not let me see the baby if I did have it, I was so afraid to admit I had it incase I lost them both. I never got any help and at 8 months PP I fell pregnant again. Baby 2 was born 16 months apart and at birth I had that immediate bond. My first is now 2.5 yrs and our relationship is terrible, they just hate me, always wants daddy or nanny and never me. It breaks my heart. I have no patience for them, they’re constantly crying such an emotional child and has been like it since birth. They wouldn’t ever stop crying from newborn stage. I’m afraid that because I never got help with my PND at the time I’ve now ruined my relationship with my toddler, I struggle to love them and loose my cool all the time with zero patience, everything just irritates me. Is it normal to not have bonded at all by now?