I feel like I am going mad

[cadburyegg]

And I have no one to talk to who understands.
My best friend got me out yesterday "you must come!"
My mum told me today "not to go into a hole".
Well sometimes I want to just sit in the house with the curtains drawn and not speak
To anyone.
I can't do that though.
I just want to hide away. I want to disappear. I want to go missing but it be like I never existed. I don't feel suicidal as such because I know I won't kill myself because I won't do that to my children. I'm happy to leave my house and all my money to my children and just go but I don't want them to have any memory of me or trauma. It's not possible.
I want to run away.
I am sick of trying to be happy, happy, happy, and put on a brave face. It's tiring.
There's no point reaching out because it doesn't help.

Can you talk to the Samaritans? Sometimes it helps to just talk it over with someone.

I'll give you some advice you can take or leave. Don't stay in all day, go out for a walk in daylight and get some fresh air.

If you can, get yourself a good multivitamin and try and eat healthily. Porridge, soup, fruit and vegetables etc Try and look after yourself.

Visit your GP for a checkup. You might be low on vitamins or there might be something else wrong. Either get referred for therapy or if you can afford it, try BACP for a therapist.

I don’t leave the house, please don’t let yourself be me! I echo the post above about talking to Samaritans or you can email them but it takes about 24 hrs for a reply if you do that. SHOUT are great by text if you don’t like talking in the phone. Have you seen your GP? Would you consider medication?

I understand OP. I wish I had advice but I feel the same way.

I hsve suffered with severe depression for a decade now(started as PND but it never really went away) and I really have never been the same person again.
im sending you a hug and a handhold with my very best wishes, I hope your pain eases.