So I found out today that my ex partner of 13 years is engaged to someone new. It's not the him being with someone else that's getting to me I'm just feeling not good enough and wondering what's wrong with me.
Years ago I was with someone for 9 years, no signs of proposing or marriage just a relationship. I always thought it was because we were young at the time until he cheated. His next relationship he got engaged to someone within 6 months of meeting them and went on to have a family (something I always wanted with him).
My next partner again I was with him 12 years, not the healthiest of relationships (addiction was involved) , he never wanted to change for me and I stupidly stayed to try to 'help' him. I had 3 miscarriages in that time and he was never supportive, he was very controlling and my life was miserable. I eventually kicked him out and sorted my mental health. With the help of therapy I found me again. He has since sorted himself out, met someone else and is now engaged.
I realised today I'm now 40, single and have no kids. Kids will likely never happen for me and this is bringing me down (I always wanted a big family). Not only that every man I've had a relationship with seems to use me then move on and settle. None of them wanted just me, I was never good enough for the ring and marriage.
I do know that neither relationship was going to work long term and I'm thankful there's no messy divorce or kids involved but it's hard knowing I have these men a huge chunk of my life for nothing.
I have a good career, my own money, good friends and family but I don't have what I want deep down and don't feel like I'm ever going to get it. I've tried dating but decent men my age are all married. The rest either have no prospects or just want sex. The couple that have been half decent, one said marriage was never going to happen for him again and the other never wanted kids (this was when I still thought it might happen).
Just feeling really down today about it all and wondering what I'm doing wrong.
Has anyone else been in this situation or in this situation? How to accept that I'm not going to get the family I want or the relationship I desire? Can I be truly happy alone?