Is this really that unusual/wrong?

[Openmouthinsertfood]

I've had this from two different therapists now. Firstly, I was diagnosed bulimic two years ago and had some *zoom sessions with an eating disorders therapist. In between two sessions I had a memory surface of the first time I turned to food for comfort. It was a traumatic experience and happened when I was about 7 years old. When I next had a session, I told the therapist about the memory and he completely dismissed it, saying I shouldn't be letting something that happened 40 years ago affect me now. I felt completely disrespected and dismissed.
Fast forward to today. I am getting CBT/therapy again, via zoom, for low mood and anxiety. I tried explaining to the therapist that I relive very traumatic times, from my childhood and adult life, in my head over and over, specially at night. I do not choose to think this way, the thoughts just come. He also told me to stop thinking of them (If only I could!) and it doesn't help to think of things that happened years ago. That there is no therapy to help as what happened, happened and I can change it.
Are they right? If so, how do I get over it? Like I said, I don't choose to have these memories playing in my head, they just do. (*I have sessions over the internet as I'm also agoraphobic.)

They sound useless.

Well, they really don't sound very helpful.

Have you had EMDR?

I’m sorry that you are having this experience OP. It can take a while to find the right therapist but this one is not it!!!!
Their advice is not only wrong but bordering on dangerous! Please look for a new therapist - it feels like you are in a position to really recover now that you understand the route of it. Hugs 💐

There is a sense in which they are right.

What happened has happened. You can't change the past. CBT is focused on developing ways for you to change your thoughts now and isn't traditional talking therapy where you might talk about past trauma.

If you are having intrusive thoughts/flashbacks then it may be you would benefit from therapy more focused on that.

sorry but they're really wrong! Some of the first things your taught is your body / reaction / emotional processing doesn't care if it was last week or 20 years ago!
It still all effects you.

They sound awful, are they with BCAP? If so you need to make a complaint, if not get a different therapist and make sure they are registered with BCAP.

There is no sense in which they are right. She is not choosing to think these thoughts, they are intrusive. You don't develop ways to change your thought patterns by just being told not to think about them! What a load of BS you are talking.

Thank you all. I'm relieved to find out it's not right. Unfortunately they were/are both NHS therapists.
I did talk to the mental health nurse a while back and she recommended a private phone based service to me a while ago. I had a session and unfortunately it wasn't for me. I was/am looking for guidance and when the therapist introduced herself she told me she works by people just talking and her just listening, she doesn't interrupt or offer guidance. I have the choice to go back and try with another therapist.

I think you need to find a proper talking therapist, eg integrative, person-centred, with extra training in eating disorders and accredited with BACP. CBT therapists generally focus on the present and offer tools and techniques. That's fine for certain issues if the therapist is good. But the crap ones will be scared when you start talking about your past and will shut you down. That will reinforce the negative beliefs that you have about yourself and cause you harm. The wrong therapist is dangerous.

Actually, based on your update, a psychodynamic counsellor might be better.

Thank you.

You need to ask NHS specifically for EMDR or trauma therapy.

If you are frequently reliving really really old memories without intending to and it's causing you distress now as if it feels like it only happened the other day, it might mean your brain is storing the memories in the wrong place (e.g they're being stored as recent, unprocessed memories, and you need to send them back to the faded, dusty vaults of 'long-term' storage).

That's obviously a very overly simplified pop-psychology explanation, but yeah, it sounds like you need trauma therapy

Not unusual and most definitely not wrong. Probably 95% of people I work with can trace their issues back to childhood. Why? Because that's the time when we learn at a fast rate than any other period of life however we don't have the intellectual capacity to question if what we're learning is either correct or relevant. This article on Core Beliefs is very helpful at explaining how our self image and 'truths' about who we are are formed during that critical first decade.

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

That there is no therapy to help as what happened, happened and I can change it.
Are they right?

No. 100% wrong.

CBT deals with how you think about things and how you manage feelings and thoughts afaik. It doesn’t address underlying trauma but that doesn’t mean it can’t help you at all. I don’t understand why your first therapist dismissed your memory because I’ve always thought that this type of thing is what they deal with. But my experience definitely is that the right match of client to therapist is essential.