I have just come to the realisation in the past few months really that my Mother is possibly playing the victim.
My Dad died 3 years ago, they hadn't a great relationship. He worked away alot, cheated on her, had a child with someone else who I only found out about in recent years. She is an adult now but my Mother won't let me contact her because she's saying it would hurt her beyond measure etc
My Mother knew at time child was born 20 plus years ago but put it out of her head and essentially lived seperate life from my Dad for years. Myself and sister were always on 'her side' so to speak but recently I'm starting to think she is actually very passive aggressive and manipulative.
This is a petty example but just to give an idea...Just home from going for a walk with her (she's fit and healthy) and she's dragging her feet and clutching her neck of her jacket as we walk into a field that we walk in regularly but she always thinks is 'dangerous'. She was almost at a standstill, I said do you not want to walk here we can turn around, she accuses me then of 'reprimanding' her so that I'll 'back down'. This is a constant theme. Her sister in law is dying at the moment, she's my Godmother. It's very hard on everyone especially my lovely Godmother obviously. Mum keeps making it about her saying the room she's in is too cold (GM likes room very cold as she's hot all the time) now saying she can't face going up to see her as it's too sad seeing her like that etc but then when I say I'm going up is saying she'll come with me.
She's draining the life out of me. I do everything for her. She does nothing for herself in terms of sorting her life. She needs so much sorting in her house, her health, life admin such as doing a will etc, removing an old car from her driveway etc but she won't do any of it but complains about it all.
She lives very close by, within 300 metres...how can I establish boundaries with her.....or deal with her in general. Also my sister is the favourite despite never helping with anything. I keep saying i won't help her but then feel sorry for her