Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Worried about my brother

10 replies

Sm9986 · 20/09/2024 02:27

I'll try and keep this as succinct as possible.

My brother, 37, has struggled with his mental health for at least 20 years. We grew up with an abusive father, and my brother bore the brunt of his abuse. He was emotionally abusive, telling my brother he wasn't a man a just generally doing everything he could do emasculate him, but also physically abusive. One time our father pushed my brother (then at university) from the top of the stairs- brother broke his collar bone- my father was not reported and faces no consequences.

My brother has never held down a job, never lived independently, struggles to maintain friendships. He's had one relationship that I know of, with a woman a decade older than him when he was in his late 20s. He's sought help over the years (re his MH) but never really committed to anything.

Fast forward to now- my father finally left my mum a few years ago, and my brother has just spiralled since. He's becoming increasingly psychotic (or paranoid I'm not sure??). Initially all his delusions concerned my father, so oftentimes we'd suspect there may be truth in what he was suggesting, but now he's turning on my mum and younger brother and others. He remains convinced (since March) that my younger brother had an affair with his ex gf (which is ridiculous). He even called the police accusing my younger brother of something (we don't know what!). The police of course recognised my elder brother wasn't well and left things.

Soon after thus incident we arranged for him to stay with extended family abroad. They kicked him out after a week. Following that, he's managed go get kicked out of 2 separate hotels. He starts fights with employees, makes inappropriate comments to female employees and customers, and defecates on the floor in his hotel room.

Now, in the months leading to his departure I contacted his private physiologist who disagrees that he's psychotic and suggested he's got PTSD from my father's abuse. Meanwhile, my younger brother started sleeping with his bedroom door locked, and my mum started hiding the knives in the house. I then contacted his GP who agreed to see him. He refuses any further support or referral and the GP is not able to discuss his case with me. When the psychosis was particularly bad, on more than one occasion I contacted First Response. As first they seemed open and helpful, but this changed as soon as they spoke to him (I really dont know what it is he's telling them). Subsequent attempts for further assessment or even assistance has resulted in them reminding me that he's an adult "with a right to privacy".

He's due to return to the UK this weekend. He is incredibly volatile at present. He remains delusional. He's emaciated having stopped eating properly months ago. He rarely sleeps at night. Doesn't remove his sunglasses even when indoors. He is weak physically but can be aggressive and provoking. He'll start fights with random people when outside. He does weird things that attract attention when out. My mum will be back caring for him alone (while my younger brother tries to avoid him to avoid conflict). My mum herself is in ill health and financial ruin following decades of my father's abuse.

What do I do? Who on earth can I contact given I seem to have exhausted all normal avenues (GP, first response etc)?

Please help

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 20/09/2024 02:35

I don't think a psychologist is qualified to make this diagnosis. It sounds like your brother needs an emergency welfare check. You may have to contact the police to facilitate this. If you and your mother are frightened for your/his safety you have a very good reason for requesting this.

Oneearringlost · 20/09/2024 02:52

Fraaahnces · 20/09/2024 02:35

I don't think a psychologist is qualified to make this diagnosis. It sounds like your brother needs an emergency welfare check. You may have to contact the police to facilitate this. If you and your mother are frightened for your/his safety you have a very good reason for requesting this.

Agree with this. I'm very sorry to hear this; it sounds like your bother and you, your other brother abd your mother are very frightened.
Absolutely get the police involved. I so hope for a safe outcome, OP. This is awful for you all.

HauntedbyMagpies · 20/09/2024 03:16

Sounds like the only way he's going to get the treatment he needs, is to be sectioned. But of course that's nigh on impossible these days (thanks Tories).
Personally, given how frightened you all sound, I'd be refusing to allow him into the house and - for his own good - have him removed from the premises by police. The only reason I'm suggesting this, is because if he's in police custody then they'll see how unwell he is and may be able to pull appropriate strings to have him sectioned.

HauntedbyMagpies · 20/09/2024 03:29

I know what I've written sounds cold & uncaring but that's the state of mental health services right now! It's crap but it's how it is.
My friend manages a home for young people with mental health issues. He told me about a year ago that he had a service user (that's what they call them to avoid 'patient') who was spiralling and had needed sectioning for months but it just didn't happen. It wasn't until he set the entire building on fire that they listened to them and even then, friend & staff had to travel with him into the next county (a different NHS trust) and meet the HCPs in a car park in order for him to be sectioned because they no longer section anyone in our trust.....! Absolute shambles. I didn't believe my friend at first but it's true.

I'm not trying to add extra worry onto your shoulders OP, I'm trying to prepare you for the kind of battle that may lie ahead. That's why I think trying to have the police take him, even if they just remove him, may help. Because if he's in a wound up state, the police won’t be able to just leave him. So they'll be able to access either the crisis team or similar which will get the ball rolling soooooooo much quicker. Sad but true.

Best of luck

PoachesPeaches · 20/09/2024 08:41

This is really tricky. He's either going to break the law or needs to accept help.

When I was 24 we took my brother to A&E. He walked out after an hour with the psychologist and my parent went after him on the street and convinced him back to the hospital so he could get his coat and they could go home. When he got back to the hospital the medical staff sectioned him. This was after a long deterioration into psychosis.

Don't be afraid to call the paramedics on him, or try and get him to a hospital, or call the police on him, as the more he comes under notice of professionals the more they have a duty to act. I think its gone beyond the GP route.

More recently we've had the PCSO come out and check on DB when he has been struggling, but it takes a degree of him trusting the authorities for this to work.

Good luck.

BobbyBiscuits · 20/09/2024 09:09

He's a danger to others as it stands. You need to speak to the MH crisis team. Tell them how his delusions and violence means he's unsafe to be in the home and needs hospital admission. Your mum and younger bother are scared for their lives! He will almost certainly fail to comply so could be put on a section 2. Which is 28 days. If within that time he gets worse then they can move into section 3. Or they could release him from the section early if he gets better. But to be honest this seems like a long term issue.

poppyzbrite4 · 20/09/2024 09:19

Rethink have a good helpline you can call for advice.

If he becomes dangerous either to himself or others then call 999 for an ambulance or NHS Direct option 2.

Contact a local domestic abuse organisation for support for your mum as this is abusive behaviour. They'll be able to support her and help her keep safe.

You could also contact adult safeguarding at your local social services.

Sm9986 · 20/09/2024 12:05

My mum doesn't want him sectioned - not that there seems to be a remote possibility of this. She's also apprehensive of police involvement. My brother did once spend a night in a jail following an altercation with my father and it traumatised him. In my dealings with the police I've requested their involvement for the aim of getting my brother the MH help he needs but I am told repeatedly that this is outside the remit of their role.

I just don't understand how things have got to this point. He's been seeing a private psychologist for years for goodness sake . I've mentioned to GP and FR the danger he is to himself (he could easily get himself into a fight with random men, and physically he's very weak), and the threat my mum and brother are in. They seemed concerned at first, but as soon as they speak to him I'm assuming they deem him as having capacity to consent (or not) to his own care?

Thanks so much for your responses and my apologies for all the typos in my OP.

OP posts:
Sm9986 · 20/09/2024 19:19

He's refusing to speak to my mum today on the phone. Extended family tell us they can no longer deal with him and want him to return to the UK. He's refusing to wear clothes and is sitting in boxers in a the garden of a family member. He's also refusing to come home. My mum blames herself and is inconsolable. We do not have the funds for her to travel to him at present.

I feel like I'm watching the demise of both my brother and my beloved mother at once.

I wish there was something I could do.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 21/09/2024 10:54

Maybe the family member will have to call the police and have him extricated. He can’t stay indefinitely.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page