Stuck living in a place that brings me down – any advice?

[InterloperMum]

Seeking advice because I’m stuck living somewhere that makes me miserable.

My eldest child has just started at a good secondary school with lots of friends. I would love to move but feel this is not possible as I could not uproot my children, particularly the eldest.

The area is affluent and expensive (London). I hanker for somewhere with likeminded people from a similar social background to me, or a more representative mix. To me, the place feels like a pressure cooker where everyone must constantly strive for the best and behave perfectly. I don’t feel I can keep up.

I appreciate people are people at the end of the day, and this is my issue. But I feel like an interloper and my thoughts keep returning to moving.

Has anyone felt the same, how did you get past it? Any advice?

You can absolutely move your children at this age. Better now than closer to GCSES. Where would you like to go?

Thanks @StormingNorman . There are many places I'd consider including some Northern cities. My partner and I are from the North.

But, would also consider parts of Kent and the Kent coast.

The grass is always greener...

These sound like very 'you' issues, rather than your neighbours. Sorry to be so blunt. I think if you suffer from mental health issues this is unlikely to fix it, I say that as someone with mental health issues btw.

I live in a similar sounding area and also find the constant stream of new cars/extensions/upgrades/fancy things my neighbours seem to have quite exhausting at times, so you have my sympathies.

However...There is nothing forcing you to keep up with the Jones's, you need to force yourself to mentally detach yourself, otherwise you'll drive yourself mad. And you can't keep up, so just own it! People who judge you on your material wealth aren't worth shit. You're better than that 💪

Kent will be just the same as where you are in London by the way.

Also, don't uproot your teen. My parents did that and it scarred us all emotionally.

Mentally unwell parents can also scar their teens.

Thank you @StickyStones . You're absolutely right, they are me issues.

Good to hear different opinions.

The ideal outcome would be to get past this. I just need to find a way of doing so.

Thanks @StormingNorman, that's a valid point too.

The problem with moving is the issues you describe seem to be more inside you rather than related to the area.

To me, the place feels like a pressure cooker where everyone must constantly strive for the best and behave perfectly. This is not true, you don't have to strive for the best and behave perfectly.

I don’t feel I can keep up. You don't have to keep up.

You could move, but your will have to take your head with you.

It might be easier to do some really focused work on challenging these views you hold, because then you could be more settled wherever you live.

Thank you @bergamotorange I've just commenced CBT on the NHS. So I'll raise it with the therapist as they might be able to help.

In terms of feeling better in the place you live in now, find some hobbies, get outside in nature, meet likeminded people, focus on healthy routines around exercise, housework, food, self-care and the kids.

Definitely talk to your therapist. Moving away is always an option for us all but learning to be able to live your life there could be very powerful.

Sorry you feel this way. I moved to what I thought was a lovely village 4 years ago.

The neighbours are stuck up and believe that being local is when you are basically born here lol. I tried to join in, but I just don't fit here. I'm waiting to move. I miss my old home where my neighbours were a mix of white and Asian working class. I seriously couldn't even walk to the shop without stopping to talk to someone.

A friend of mine made a great suggestion...take a break/holiday in the area you feel drawn to. Mentally take note of what you like/dislike about it, and try not to make any rash decisions.

Sorry to hear of your experience@Mygosh. Your old area sounds lovely! Maybe you could return?

@bergamotorange I'll consider those practical suggestions. Thanks for your kind words x