Can anyone relate or advise

[MurielsLastTango]

Can anyone relate to this. I'm 46 and every day with no break from feeling this way, I feel overwhelmed with simple tasks such as general tidying, life interactions and normal everyday reactions from my children. I have 2 who are 13 and 10, (they are good kids) I work 5 days but part-time in a nice job that I've done for years, so I'm very lucky and grateful for that but can't feel the benefit. I have a caring hands on husband who helps in any way he can but I cannot feel the appreciation and comfort my life has. I have felt like this to a certain degree since becoming a parent so it's not new but at the point I can't live like this anymore and want to try anything I can to help. I did suffer from anxiety before being a parent and didn't have the best childhood.

I'm always tense (I do relaxing things for myself a few times a week which I enjoy but I'm not able to actually relax) it feels like my brain is going at a million miles constantly, so much so I struggle to do simple tasks at times without focusing completely and even then I often make mistakes. Examples are taking the younger one to her sports club, which she enjoys, it might take a bit of coaxing particularly if she decides she's tired/doesn't fancy it this week, I just find this type of thing so stressful to the point during it all I have the thoughts of 'I need to run away' and visualise myself leaving! (I never ever would, but I have this internal over exaggerated reaction a lot since they were born over lots of things). I started counselling therapy around a month ago, it's helping a small bit but I don't feel it's going to be the answer. I started HRT about a year ago which helped lift my mood a bit but not the fuzzy head.

I dread socialising, even when its for example school events I dread it, even though I like seeing the things my kids are doing, it's the possible interactions, again even though no one in particular I don't want to see but I fake it by chatting away pretty well.

I'm just exhausted not being able to enjoy life. I decided it must all be peri-menopause but reality is I've had it for at least 13 years and on HRT so it's not just that. PLEASE can anyone help/relate. I often think I'm not normal and maybe I am missing something.

didn't have the best childhood

In what way? I know it's a cliche (because it's true) but what we experience in childhood can often colour the way we live the rest of our lives because we don't know any different; but it is never to late to change those thought patterns.

Thank you for replying. Childhood was neglectful, left to my own devices from young with no guidance or support and I definitely done things I'm not proud of such as when very young would put gum in friends hair, when older about 13 drank, had boyfriends far to young. Had both my parents around but no nurture or I guess time from them/mainly my mum, my dad was placid, my mum was erratic and angry. No contact with either of them now.

I relate and I kind of knew you would mention neglect in childhood as that has been my experience too. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and I may be autistic or just have a social anxiety disorder.

It's a process but change is definitely doable. There are day to day strategies that can help manage overload (lots of things can be drawn from ADHD strategy books even without having a diagnosis). I listen to a lot of podcasts which are helping change my script. There's also the usual self care with consistent sleep, nutrition, exercise.

Tracking your triggers. Putting boundaries in place. CBT can help but if 6 weeks through NHS you will need to pick one goal and keep going back for more goals. Movement. Writing things down. Routines. Strength training also helps me a lot. It increases expression of chemicals in the brain that help with memory and learning.

I look on it like the person I want to be is future me who will show up with consistency.

I feel the 40s is a period of redefining/reframing- the brain reorganises itself in menopause and its as critical window into health in later life as puberty is with the added benefit of all the knowledge along the way.

Thank you this is really helpful and I'll work my way through all that advice. I'll start with keeping a note of triggers, and look up ADHD strategies, that is something that has crossed my mind in the past too perhaps ADHD but then I think no. The councilling is through my employer, going to the doctor and trying to start this conversation from the start feels an awful lot.

@MurielsLastTango Maybe show your doctor your initial post if u can’t find the words? I totally sympathise as on the outside my life looks comfortable and happy which it is but I can’t shake off the anxiety and mild depression. I’ve always struggled with GAD and low mood (due to living my childhood and teens with an alcoholic father, who sadly died because of his addiction 10 years ago) but since become 40 and having my second child I really really struggle especially socially just like you describe! I know this isn’t very helpful but hopeful will make u feel less alone! A supportive network of friends and family and ADs have helped me through xx

My first thought was ADHD (anxiety is a common feature as well as pretty much everything you wrote in your post).

Neglectful parents/upbringing points to ADHD too as it's hereditary.

I have ADHD and found it manageable (good job, good life) until I became a parent, I feel very over-whelmed in a different way to my friends without ADHD who are parents.

I found it so stressful trying to leave my house with my child, it's a huge stress point for me.
I constantly question why I became a parent because I had no idea how stressful I would find the little things, I feel I'm constantly buzzing with stress even though there's nothing bad going on, just normal life.

ADHD and ASD are very common together.

Meds and noise cancelling headphones (with or without music) help me the most,
as does being outside and trying not to pressure on myself to achieve or be perfect all the time (that's hard!)
Try to find relaxing activities like swimming or crafts which my brain seems to find soothing.

Thank you so much, reading these replies is incredibly helpful. I wonder how many people walk about feeling this way!

Badgerpatrol reading you say becoming a parent was so difficult, something just clicked. I've always thought my issues as a parent are because I have the complete fear of being my mum and I always try so hard to not be her and do the best by my children. The reality might be that it's the impact of being a parent has on me and also the getting out the house was my biggest trigger this week! And brought the immediate though of I need to run away.

Would you possibly share or private message what meds you mean? I've been swithering for ages about antidepressants but I don't believe I'm depressed. I'm doing it, I'm going to GP next week, I can't keep going on like this.