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What is happening to my husband?

5 replies

Fedup184827174 · 10/09/2024 03:38

DH has gone through a difficult period at work a few years ago. Ever since maybe 2-3 times a week he gets into a terrible mood and starts sulking. It's hard to describe but when he does he shuts himself off completely and looks at whatever screen he has in front of him the whole evening. When prompted he mentions how worthless and stupid he feels etc in very short sentences but doesn't say anything more for me to understand what prompted it. Doesn't want to do anything in the weekends either. I have tried to be as supportive as I can, always listening, offering cuddles, trying to understand what he wants etc. He is in talking therapy but I don't know how honest he is to the therapist as he has a habit of brushing off anything difficult. Today he mentioned that he always felt this way as long as he can remember and I noticed that even though it wasn't that intense he always had the tendency to say bad things about himself and resign from the world. If work wasn't the problem there was always something else. I do love him dearly and he is an excellent dad who pulls his own weight around the house but I have started to lose patience. It's incredibly hard to tolerate a sulking face at the end of a long day at work especially since it feels permanent now. I have a history of anxiety and depression and sometimes I want to share something I experienced that day but I feel like there is never any room for my issues. It feels particularly aggravating with self pity when he goes to therapy and pretends everything is okay and then comes back and says he is helpless and doomed to feel this way. There are no health or financial problems in our lives and I feel like we are wasting our life sitting in the house sulking. What can I do? Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 10/09/2024 06:58

I’d say that he needs to ask the GP for a trial of antidepressants.
Is he still being intimate with you, or has that gone too?

houserenohelp · 10/09/2024 07:06

Sounds like he is in shut down and only able to do tasks he has no choice (work)
He needs a seek help soon so that he can work out the triggers and adjust life according,
My friends husband had to change jobs etc when he went into emotional shut down, almost like a breakdown,
It could be stress and depression

BananaGrapeMelon · 10/09/2024 07:07

It's very hard supporting someone with depression. Not sure what the answer is but I really feel for you OP.

Eyesopenwideawake · 10/09/2024 08:35

Simple but crucial question - does he believe he can change? (I assume he does actively want to, but it's worth checking that he's not just going through the motions because he thinks he has to).

Might be worth showing him this;

s

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=748s&v=ZYjDhbIrW2U

Dryshampoofordays · 10/09/2024 08:43

I would respond with empathy but also a little nudge to him to get out of victim mode- “that sounds really hard h, I’m sorry you feel that way. How can I help you move forward/how fo you want to tackle this going forward/what do you plan on changing to start making things better?” If he responds with everything is hopeless and will never change then you may need to accept that you can’t help him if he won’t/can’t help himself and for me it would be time to consider separation. Hopefully having this explained to him could prompt him to make changes but if not you should never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

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