Does depression ever end?

[Catherine87]

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with postnatal depression which has just snowballed into depression (it's no longer considered postnatal past the 1 year mark). I am just beyond mentally drained since having a baby, and I feel awful for saying that as I always wanted to have children but this depression is consuming me and I just can't enjoy motherhood. I'm scared to be alone in case I can't cope and I get intrusive thoughts about harming or killing myself. Most days I cry and cry. I was under the perinatal MH team all through the pregnancy and for a year after giving birth but now that's coming to an end as they can only look after you for up to 1 year after the birth. I feel like i've tried absolutely everything...different medications which have been switched several times, two types of therapy and I've really tried to do some self help but nothing seems to work. I've had depression off and on since my teenage years and I'm tired of fighting. I just don't see any way out and that makes me feel suicidal. I'm scared to contact the crisis team in case they put me in a unit with my 16 month old. Has anyone been through something similar, and if so, did you get better?

Anyway sorry for the long post. It helped to write everything down if nothing else.

Sending anyone who is going through the same thing or similar lots of love ❤️

It does get better! I promise!
I was severely unwell for 12 years with depression and a multitude of other mental illnesses and was on suicide watch for many periods.
I honestly never thought that I'd live to see 30 and genuinely believed that I would never get better.
I am now 34 and am mentally well.
It took lots of different trials and errors with medication, different therapies that included hypnosis for one of the traumas I'd been through and finding stability in my relationships and home life.

It feels like a lot of work but it is so so worth it. Please speak to your crisis team and get the help you need. It can and WILL get better.
Be gentle with yourself and ask for support in any way you feel you need it.

Sending you a big hug xxx

I find it goes in cycles. I'm in a bad part of the cycle at the moment but there are good ones. The older DC get the easier they become.

HTH I have 2 thoughts:-

1. Your history sounds like atypical depression given it's been off and on since your teenage years. Has your doctor ruled out bipolar and/or emotional instability given that the medications and therapy haven't helped?
2. Alternatively could it be that you had a really tough childhood and now you have a child of your own it's hitting home what your childhood was like? Sometimes therapy completely misses the point of where your pain is coming from and then it just doesn't work because the root cause has been ignored and you're just talking about modifying your behaviour in the here and now. Regardless yes you can get better and I hope you feel better very soon.

What is your living situation like?
Did you have depression before baby?

@Catherine87 so sorry to hear you are struggling. I am in a very similar situation. Diagnosed PND and GAD, was under the crisis team back in January then referred to perinatal who were amazing but my daughter (2nd child) was two in July so they had to discharge me. I have been on ADs for about 10 years anyway due to past depression and they were changed at the beginning of the year. I felt hopeless and lost, cried all the time, didn’t want to be here anymore but it did get better. Unfortunately this last week I’ve struggled a bit again but trying not to let it get hold of me again!

do u have a supportive partner? Family/friends u can turn to? This helped me massively xx