Hi, I read this quote today "if your not changing it, your choosing it". In summary I have a narcisstic mother and sister. Lots of back history and lots of examples. I have always tried to "fix them/situations" so that everything would be ok - to the point where I would agree, take the verbal abuse and make myself so anxious around them I wasn't myself. However now much later in life I realise that its myself I need to fix as in stop engaging with negative people and look after myself. I have been trying to stay away as best I can from negative behaviour, comments, toxic behaviour etc and concentrate on my own lovely family. But today it all got to me "again" when my sister rang me and even though we are on the surface communicating there is no real relationship there anymore. I just felt she was literally barking at me in terms of speaking at me and I felt so anxious that I wasn't myself with her either. I got off the phone upset and honestly if you were to ask me what did she say that was so awful to upset you, I couldn't tell you. It was all civil on a surface level, but I feel like I cannot ever question anything she says as she is always right and its like she has to intimidate me. I feel today I have enough of pretending in this relationship and never addressing the behaviour of her or my mother. I won't change an 80 year old at this stage but my sister and I have still a few years ahead of us. Although I suspect she won't change and I know I need to. My brothers always note my mother and sister are jealous of me, not sure why. I don't have the big houses they have or lots of money, expensive cars, holidays homes etc. I suspect tomorrow I will feel a bit stronger again but today I just felt I was stupid for answering the phone - I had that power and yet again I was afraid in a way not to answer it or I would be on edge knowing I would have to ring her again. Does this make sense to any adults who have suffered from narcistic abuse? Thank you.