Gas lighting

[Givemeaclue123]

Sister has poor undiagnosed mental health and it is clear to all it is spiraling but she won't seek medical health.

Had a row, misunderstanding with her at the weekend over looking after her children which we normally do and have done for years although I am not particularly close to my sister bordering on maybe toxic.

Have spoken to her today and it transpires she has spoken to a MH team over the weekend and they have suggested I am gas lighting her.

I can't tell you how hurt I am to be described as that, especially by someone who only has one side. I feel it had snapped the final threads of any relationship we sort of had. She has also said that she will find alternative childcare so as not to impact on us.

I feel the only thing left is to walk away, there doesn't feel there is anything left to savage.

Unless you spoke to the MH team yourself, and they said that directly to you, then you can only rely on what your sister is telling you. Please bear in mind she is unwell enough to need their care and therefore what she relates to you may not be reliable. Unless you really need to it's possibly better not to make any final/irrevocable decisions at the moment.

Thank you. She's only just told me this so I am immensely upset and feel that to be described as manipulating and playing mind games is something you can't come back from. It feels on par with an affair, you can sticky tape over it, but it's still there, it's been said and the trust has gone.

I'm also upset that she is finding alternative childcare. Over the years its not unusual for us to be played off against my mum, who ever is in her bad books doesn't get to see them but this time it feels so final especially as at 12 years they are getting to an age where they don't need to come to ours.

You don't know the MH team said that and your sister is unwell.

Third-hand information rarely translates well, especially when people are stressed so likely not taking everything in.

MH professional here. Your sisters MH team categorically will not have said you are gaslighting her as:

• they don’t have your side of the story
• theyre not interested in the intricacies of a patients family spats
• it’s not their place, role nor purpose

Your sister is fabricating, and it all sounds very toxic between you both, and also with your mum. Distance yourself from all of it for a bit.

In her defence, if they told her that then it's not come from your sister. They most likely are trying to fob her off so they don't have to support her, by getting family involved. However I can't see how saying she is being gas lighted is very helpful and would probably make her feel worse. Obviously I don't know the history. The most important thing is boundaries. Only do what you are comfortable with and what you don't care about getting thanks for. That's always been my philosophy.