I am hoping some for some advice or wondering if anyone else has this issue. I am a massive over thinker. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and have had therapy for this but I still can’t help fearing the worst.
My main fear at the moment is a real terror of becoming immobile. I am nearly 63 and in good health generally. I live in an upstairs flat at the top of a road which is not steep as such but a hill. The story is that I moved here five years ago. I used to live on this estate previously and I loved it. My Mum lived on the same estate and went into a care home up the road and when she died I felt I couldn’t cope with living there anymore and I moved to a flat near my then boyfriend. I had trouble with his family causing me grief so moved again to a flat where I lived for ten years. I had always yearned to move back to where I am now but there was nothing available. I rent from the Council by the way.
Where I lived before was OK, not the best area of the city but I was content enough, my neighbours were OK. It wasn’t my first choice but was the only thing available when I needed to move. It was on the ground floor and near a bus stop which were the positives.
But then five years ago I was just browsing on the Council website, only because my nephew had been looking for a flat so I was just having a nosey and I saw this flat advertised on the estate where I had regretted leaving. I felt I had to make a bid for it, even though I guessed I wouldn’t hear anything and that it would be snapped up quickly. I put in a bid and to my surprise I had an offer on the flat the following week. Someone had been offered it before but he had turned it down because he couldn’t fit all his furniture in it. I went to view it with my sister in law. I loved it immediately. The only snag was that it was at the top of the road, whereas before I had lived at the bottom and there were two flights of steps rather one like I had before. I voiced concerns to my sister in law about what if I would find it difficult as I get older and she said that I would manage, the steps as they are not steep and I can always get a taxi up the road. I decided I would kick myself if I didn’t take it and I took it.
So I have now been here for five years, I love the flat, I love the estate, I now find it comforting living near where my Mum lived. I am a committee member of the residents association, I have good neighbours, the estate is nearer to my family, near to where I was brought up, it should be perfect but I am worried that one day I will become immobile and be forced to move again. My next door neighbour is 81 and suffers from COPD. She manages the steps OK but she does get a taxi home now when she has been out as she can’t cope with walking up the road. She doesn’t want to move and manages.
Last week I had a fall and bruise my left leg badly. I had an xray and I haven’t broken any bones and have been told my leg will heal fully in a few weeks. I was in agony at first. I am limping a little bit now but the main pain has gone. Having this, although I know it was caused by a fall and is temporary, has scared me more because I started to feel what it must be like to find walking painful.
Also, the rent on this flat is more than I paid on the other one and I worry that when I retire in four years I won’t be able to afford it, though I will get a good work pension along with the state pension.
Sorry this is so long but this fear is ruining my contentment now.