Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Over Thinking is Ruining My Life

1 reply

pussinboots61 · 01/09/2024 16:09

I am hoping some for some advice or wondering if anyone else has this issue. I am a massive over thinker. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and have had therapy for this but I still can’t help fearing the worst.

My main fear at the moment is a real terror of becoming immobile. I am nearly 63 and in good health generally. I live in an upstairs flat at the top of a road which is not steep as such but a hill. The story is that I moved here five years ago. I used to live on this estate previously and I loved it. My Mum lived on the same estate and went into a care home up the road and when she died I felt I couldn’t cope with living there anymore and I moved to a flat near my then boyfriend. I had trouble with his family causing me grief so moved again to a flat where I lived for ten years. I had always yearned to move back to where I am now but there was nothing available. I rent from the Council by the way.
Where I lived before was OK, not the best area of the city but I was content enough, my neighbours were OK. It wasn’t my first choice but was the only thing available when I needed to move. It was on the ground floor and near a bus stop which were the positives.

But then five years ago I was just browsing on the Council website, only because my nephew had been looking for a flat so I was just having a nosey and I saw this flat advertised on the estate where I had regretted leaving. I felt I had to make a bid for it, even though I guessed I wouldn’t hear anything and that it would be snapped up quickly. I put in a bid and to my surprise I had an offer on the flat the following week. Someone had been offered it before but he had turned it down because he couldn’t fit all his furniture in it. I went to view it with my sister in law. I loved it immediately. The only snag was that it was at the top of the road, whereas before I had lived at the bottom and there were two flights of steps rather one like I had before. I voiced concerns to my sister in law about what if I would find it difficult as I get older and she said that I would manage, the steps as they are not steep and I can always get a taxi up the road. I decided I would kick myself if I didn’t take it and I took it.

So I have now been here for five years, I love the flat, I love the estate, I now find it comforting living near where my Mum lived. I am a committee member of the residents association, I have good neighbours, the estate is nearer to my family, near to where I was brought up, it should be perfect but I am worried that one day I will become immobile and be forced to move again. My next door neighbour is 81 and suffers from COPD. She manages the steps OK but she does get a taxi home now when she has been out as she can’t cope with walking up the road. She doesn’t want to move and manages.

Last week I had a fall and bruise my left leg badly. I had an xray and I haven’t broken any bones and have been told my leg will heal fully in a few weeks. I was in agony at first. I am limping a little bit now but the main pain has gone. Having this, although I know it was caused by a fall and is temporary, has scared me more because I started to feel what it must be like to find walking painful.
Also, the rent on this flat is more than I paid on the other one and I worry that when I retire in four years I won’t be able to afford it, though I will get a good work pension along with the state pension.

Sorry this is so long but this fear is ruining my contentment now.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 01/09/2024 18:55

The blunt truth is that yes, one day you may well have to give up your flat and go into some sort of assisted living/care home or the like. That's what happens to the vast majority of people in Western nations.

Now, you can spend the next 20/30 years wasting your life worrying about this, or you can look to your neighbour for inspiration as someone who manages very well at almost 20 years your senior. Maybe have a chat with her and let her reassure you that life doesn't worsen with age, it just changes.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page