Is it just lack of sleep making me feel like this?

[bristols]

I feel like I just want to get in the car and drive away. I need to get away from it all. The only thing stopping me is that I don't have anywhere to go.

I have a 20mo DS and a 9 week old DS. DS2 has been difficult so far as he suffers with reflux. He has started treatment now which has helped tremendously but he still wakes twice for feeds in the night and is very hard to settle. Sometimes I'm up with him for two hours at a time. Then the days are busy with both boys so I know I'm absolutely shattered. It feels as though the nine weeks of lack of sleep has accumulated.

I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Just endless days of 'getting by'. I cry lots and DS1 has started to notice it now which I hate.

I have no reason to feel down. The boys are both healthy and I have a brilliant, supportive DH. I really do wonder how he puts up with me and my mood. I have absolutely no libido and we haven't had sex since before christmas. I have no desire to, either.

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I love my little family and love being around them but I need a rest! I want to get away from it all.

I'd like to think that I'll feel better once I get more sleep, but how long will that be? What do I do in the meantime?

Thanks for reading this.

Off for a shower as I know I'll feel worse if I stay in my nigh clothes all day. It's such an effort, though..!

you#ve got a nine week old , dont' be so hard on yourself! I remember the first 3 months as being like crawling thro treacle - lack of sleep, constant feeds, recovery from birth, there's a lot for your body to cope with. Some thoughts: casn you get dh to do the occasionaly night (with bottle obviously0 so get you some time off? Can you get family to come and help out in the day every now & then? Any other shortcuts you could take - childcare for yr eldest/weekyl cleaner/takeaway meals etc etc
Have you got a helpful HV, any local mums you can share the nightmare with a little bit at a local group?

bump
..and also it may be worth seeing yr GP is you need some more help, maybe?

Misschief - thanks for replying. Was away for the weekend, so have only just seen your posts.

Unfortunately, we live away from our families and that definitely makes things harder. My parents live abroad and so I miss them very much. They're coming over at the beginning of may for a couple of weeks which I'm really looking forward to.

DS1 does go to nursery for a day and a half a week and I look forward to those days. He loves it there but I do feel as though he is being pushed out simply because I can't cope.

I do put extra pressure on myself, I think. I like everything to be done 'properly' and for it all to be clean and tidy. I reckon I'll talk to DH about a cleaner. I'm not very good at accepting help as it feels like admitting defeat.

Have had a good day today. I have that Sunday Night Feeling, though because DH will be at work tomorrow. Am telling myself to take one day at a time...

Bristols, you've just reminded me of the bad old days when my DSs were small. DS1 was only 22 months when DS2 was born and the first year with both of them (although there were of course good bits) was just dreadful. I felt just like you do now.
All i can say is it doe get better. And if there's any chance of escaping for a bit (leaving them with dh/mum/mil) for a few hours, take it like a shot. And go to bed early when you can to maximise your sleep.
Oh, and try to get out of the house as often as possible, even when you don't feel like it. Our worst days were the ones we spent cooped up in the house.

Get that cleaner! I wish I had done.
And don't worry about sending DS1 to nursery. I did too (two afternoons a week) and it kept us all relatively sane. I would have run away if I'd had the two of them all day, every day on my own.

Definately get a cleaner

Don't feel guilty about DS1 being at nursery. If you are happier for it then he'll benefit from that. You say he loves it there so don't beat yourself up.
I felt sorry for DD1 when DD2 arrived, felt like I was mourning the loss of our relationship as it inevitably changed after DD2 arrived, but there are lots of ways you can make up for it, now and in the future.

Forget perfection

Accepting help is not admitting defeat, it's admitting your new reality!

Try to get out the house and meet others in your situation.

It will get easier.

bristols, not much more to add but hugs. my dc are similiar age gap, 19 months and its bloody hard work, and your ds2 is only 9 weeks, be kind to yourself. stay in your pjs all day, put on cbeebies, do whatever it takes to get through the day and i promise it will get better.

It's good to have the reassurance that it will get better! After a year though? That sounds like an age away!!

I do need to relax a bit more, you're right.

Have just mentioned cleaner to DH and he's moaning about the cost. Ugh. Any ideas of cost of a cleaner? Might start another thread so I can get an idea and put it to him. It would take a lot of pressure off both of us.

I know I ought to try to get out every day but sometimes it's hard to muster up the energy. Bring on the better weather, then everything seems better.

Will be off to bed after Gavin and Stacey for my early night.

If there's any time in your life when you really ought to have a cleaner, it's now. Even if it's only for a year or so it will make such a difference taking that pressure off you. Imagine taking DC out and returning to a clean home.

Hi

I know how u are feeling I have a dd who has just turned 2 and a ds who is 8 weeks and a very supportive dp Most days i am on my own as dp works and seriously i feel like i am just gettin by dd is a nightmare doesnt listen to anything i say temper tantrums are a nightmare ds very unsettled needs constant attention which is inpossible with dd house is a mess most of time ds spends most f the time in the pram as if i put him in bouncer and dd has a temper tantrum he ends up 10 feet in the ayr . i feel i cant cope ds is awake most of night i do most of feeds durin the night as dp is up early for work . I have Just been diagnosed with PND and hv is tryin to get dd a place at nursery 2 morns a week for me to be able to tidy up and spend quality time with ds sometimes i wanna run and keep runnin . please remember ur not alone its not just u that feels pressure most new mums have this problem
i am sorry i have ranted on x

Sheena - I could have written your post myself. It's exactly the same here. It really does help to know that I'm not on my own.

I find that it's harder to get out and about now with DS1 being more boisterous and prone to tantrums. He doesn't enjoy sitting in the pushchair and wants to walk all the time. It's good going to the park, though, as he can burn off some serious energy there. How is your youngest doing at night? Mine goes down at 7 and has been waking at midnight, 4 and then 7. Going to try a dream feed for the first time tonight so I can get a better sleep before having to get up again. Wonder if it'll work??

Mine both went to bed at 9 during my 'year of hell'. I don't know how I managed.

Lyra - I don't know either! I live for my evenings. Thankfully DS1 has always been good at going to bed and now DS2 has slotted into the routine. It makes a huge difference to have those few hours without DC. Even if it means I can get on with some housework in peace! Or MN!

I so wish I'd discovered MN during that time. I really think it would have helped. Luckily I had a friend whose DC2 was born within a week of my dc2 and she had an even smaller age gap. We commiserated together, although she didn't live near me.

It definitely helps to come on here for support.

Anyway, am off to bed now so I can get some precious sleep.