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Mental health

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Original poster

Adult Daughter leaving home

12 replies

MintTurtle · 30/08/2024 08:41

Is this normal, I feel very silly writing this but my daughter (20) out of the blue applied to University, got accepted the next day and is now moving 4 hours away in 14 days.
I am so proud of her to follow her dreams and not be stuck in a dead end job but my heart is breaking.
she is the life and soul of the house, my buddy we do everything together…
she has always been a quiet girl and not really ventured into the big world yet (Covid took her confidence and growing years away) so it was a complete shock.
even worse my family including her is going on a cruise soon… in fact freshers week… she is now not going but how can I possibly continue with the holiday … I need to take her to University… but can’t let the rest of the group down. Either way I will be crying and upset.
I really don’t know how I will function without her. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 30/08/2024 08:42

4 of my dc have left home. It is no coincidence I have 4 ddogs....
I feel for you op.

FrenchandSaunders · 30/08/2024 08:45

Continue with the cruise, your DD is 20 and she’ll manage to move herself into uni. You can then go and see her with extra bits on your return.

Do you have a DH/DP? Do you work? It is sad when they fly the nest but be happy for her, it sounds like a great thing for her to do.

Miley1967 · 30/08/2024 08:45

Our household went from seven people to three this time last year with eldest ds and his gf moving out in the same week that my two younger kids left for Uni. It was hard especially as it was a last minute decision for my dd to go to Uni as she got better than expected A'levels. To make things worse she has been away this whole summer doing camp America so i have barely seen her for a year and she was only just turned 18 when she left. It is hard op but you will adapt.

RB68 · 30/08/2024 08:49

many years ago some one said "if you love them let them go" it is the hardest yet the most rewarding thing to see them thrive.

4LittleSpeckledFrogs · 30/08/2024 08:51

I imagine it's heartbreaking but my eldest is 19 and not at uni or working so I would be super proud if he was off into the world by himself. He is super quiet and shy too

But I would be partly devastated too

wetwiped · 30/08/2024 08:57

It's a hard time OP, but you will adapt to the new normal. Distract yourself by making sure you are busy with friends and plan when you're going to go visit her. This poem is one of my favourites.

RB68 · 30/08/2024 08:57

btw off to see DD today at Uni - she never came home over the summer, she was working and London offers more entertainment than home which is rural to say the least.

LightDrizzle · 30/08/2024 09:00

You have my sympathy but keep telling yourself that this is almost certainly the healthiest and best thing for your daughter and her future. Doubtless you will always be close but as I’m sure you know, you shouldn’t be so dependant upon her being your buddy and she she should be doing things with peers, as well as with you.

Can’t her dad take her to uni? I think you should go in the cruise.

Is there anything you’ve wanted to do for ages but not had time? Maybe you could pursue that, be it art classes, learning Japanese or sport. You could bush up neglected friendships with your peers too.

It will get better! 💐

pinkfleece · 30/08/2024 09:01

she is the life and soul of the house, my buddy we do everything together…
she has always been a quiet girl and not really ventured into the big world yet (Covid took her confidence and growing years away) so it was a complete shock.

Kindly, this is really worrying. You shouldn't be depending on your daughter so much - if she's 20 then she was 16 when covid hit, she had done plenty of growing by then. Good on her for getting away from what sounds like a suffocating environment at home. I would suggest googling 'talking therapies (your area)' and getting some help

Roseshavethorns · 30/08/2024 09:21

It is really hard.
All of mine left home at 17 to go to Uni (we are in Scotland) It's no coincidence that we got a rescue puppy when my youngest left.
On the practical side she can get herself to halls. Literally parents are only a taxi service. There is no hanging around meeting anyone.
On the emotional side, it takes time. They leave a huge hole behind and your relationship changes. But our role as parents is to bring up our children to be productive independent adults. They are supposed to leave us behind.
Be proud of her and yourself. It sounds like you have both done a great job.

wildfellhall · 30/08/2024 13:44

Our job is to get them to fly the nest if they can. We need to let them go for their own sake.

It's really hard but she's more likely to come back happily if she feels free to go IME xxxxx

I had kids super late so I am really scared of the empty nest which will come eventually......

Just see it as a new phase of your life if you can and good luck; it is super tough

Rory17384949 · 30/08/2024 14:41

Go on the cruise, it'll take your mind off it. What can you possibly gain from sitting at home alone crying and worrying?

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