Why am I like this?

[Zombieof3]

I told myself yesterday that I’m no longer going to be like this, told myself that my kids deserve better. I spent all day cleaning downstairs and the plan was to tackle upstairs today, I even got the kids involved, however I haven’t even finished one room this morning and I already feel like crying. I’m so exhausted. It’s the fact that I’ll have to clean all of upstairs which is pretty grim and then have to work for the upcoming week and somehow manage to do this with no energy. I never have any energy and it really gets to me.

why am I such a lazy waste of space, my kids need more than me. My husband works shifts and he does far more than me so I can’t even say he needs to do more. It’s always me being the let down. I so badly want a nice clean house but I have no energy and I’m just getting snappy with anyone. I’m so fed up of being useless.

I spent all day cleaning downstairs

So how about giving yourself credit for that rather than why am I such a lazy waste of space - a 'lazy waste of space' would NOT have spent all day cleaning' would she?

No wonder you're exhausted - you are being unrealistic in your plans, you are not pacing yourself and are being very, very hard on yourself.

Do you know what happens when you keep beating yourself up? You end up beaten. Lift yourself up and the sky is the limit.

Rest as much as you can for the forthcoming week and make a viable plan to do the important jobs over the next few weeks. How does that sound?

Just offering a little hand hold.
Maybe if you did smaller amounts of cleaning, every day, it would not seem so overwhelming.

Thank you all. The house is still messy, I’ve made progress with downstairs but it doesn’t seem to matter as it’s all undone in seconds. I’m absolutely exhausted. My partner is working a 60 hour week starting Monday, so I’m obviously in charge of the kids, the house, all after school clubs on top of my 40 hour week at work. I’ve just been sobbing, I can’t do this. I really can’t, I’m drowning. I want this all to stop, I wish I could runaway and live a completely different life. What an absolutely awful way for a parent to feel, my kids deserve so much more than I can ever be. If this is all life is, maybe I’m just not cut out for it.