Uncomfortable with how exposing pregnancy is

[CaffeinatedLondoner]

I just wanted a space to put this out here as I feel like such a social pariah at the moment.
For context - I have OCD (managed as best I can with medication and CBT) and I didn't have the best relationship with my parents growing up.
I'm 11 weeks pregnant and had my mum and stepdad visiting this weekend. I've been dreading telling my family - I'm a very private person in general, but I feel particularly vulnerable about exposing emotional or intimate aspects of my life to my family. I had a very difficult upbringing, lots of conflict, lots of my trust being broken repeatedly by my mum (reading my search history, reading my texts etc, going through my room etc). I also developed panic attacks at 14 and my mum seemed to take these as a personal affront, which was very difficult, and led to me hiding any emotions. I left home at 18 and I've lived about 300 miles away for the last 15 years. This has been a great way of establishing a boundary, but I suppose it has meant that I haven't resolved much (as interactions are so infrequent).
Anyway, I knew we had to tell them this weekend as I wasn't drinking (and would ordinarily be drinking v heavily to try to cope with the stress of the visit) and they were so excited and cried and were really going on about it all weekend. It just absolutely made my skin crawl. I was so, so uncomfortable every time they mentioned it I just wanted to climb out of my own body. It all ended a bit sour and now I feel so guilty about them leaving that way. I also feel like such a pariah, I feel like they're truly baffled by my response and I'm embarrassed I can't be 'normal' about it.
I guess I'm just looking for any similar experiences or advice, as I feel like my feelings are so alien to what I see in everyone else.

This could have literally been written by me. I also suffer with ocd and EUPD I am currently 16 weeks and not told anyone cause it makes me cringe, I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are

Thanks @TreeOfLives - I appreciate you reaching out. Honestly, if I felt like I could get away without telling them I would have. I'm estranged from my dad and it's so much easier. You just think you're going to grow out of difficult parents in your 30s but it just follows you around for life eh!

Oh bless you. It is so, so difficult and - I don't know about you - it feels like a dark cloud hanging over my pregnancy which doesn't fully allow me to enjoy it. Do you think you'll disclose your pregnancy at any point or do you have a situation where you can 'get away with it'? Sending love.

You have panic attacks, OCD, trust issues and drink to cope. And you are pregnant. I hope you have good friends around for a support system in lieu of your parents. It might also be good to get some help to deal with all this, as having a baby without mental problems is hard enough.

Thanks for reaching out. Oh yes, like many who had narcissistic parents growing up, I've very much created my own family in my friends, colleagues and my husband's family. Still wouldn't be without CBT, though, and perinatal MH!

Op I felt exactly the same during all three of my pregnancies. I couldn't stand it. It felt so intrusive. My mum was constantly asking me personal questions during the pregnancies - about how I was feeling, the baby's movements etc. It used to make me physically flinch.

I kept contact v v low and suggest you go the same. Low contact and plenty of miles between us has always been my approach!

Your response is nothing to do with your body but all about the way your mother made you feel and how she is still making you feel. Do you really want to stay in contact with her? Does she still trample all over your boundaries? I think you would benefit from some therapy to explore that relationship and help you feel more control.

Thanks so much for this, @WonderingWanda – it's quite the release to recognise that, yeah, it's not me that's 'faulty' but the relationship that is. Yeah, had quite the bit of therapy, and my last CBT therapist did push boundaries. As my mum's only child, I feel a lot of guilt about putting up those boundaries though. It's something I need to work on. My dad has other children and it's made it so much easier to put barriers in place for my wellbeing because the guilt is so reduced.

Thank you so much @ijustneedtokeepbreathing – this is so validating to read. I completely recognise this, right down to the physical flinch! Sorry you had to go through this, did things improve after the baby arrived?

I felt the same when pregnant - hated being asked questions about myself or the baby. My mum would want to know when scans were - I'd be vague and she'd be messaging asking for date/time, asking how I was sleeping , if baby was moving etc etc. It made me so uncomfortable. Felt like a big invasion of privacy. I managed to not disclose my pregnancy to anyone other than close friends and family until after 20 weeks thankfully. I found the only time I felt comfortable being seen as pregnant and taking about pregnancy was at a prenatal yoga class I went to. But I should add that I am very close to my parents, very happy childhood, never had any mental health issues. So for me, they are not an underlying cause of how I felt in pregnancy.

Thanks so much for sharing this, @pitterypattery00. Sorry you had to go through that with your mum, it made me cringe just reading it. I've been looking into some prenatal yoga classes as I suspected that might be a 'comfortable' outlet. I've really appreciated everyone sharing their discomfort as you really are made to feel like a social pariah if you're not instantly sharing scan photos online and willing to share every intimate insight into your pregnancy, which only adds to perinatal anxiety!

@CaffeinatedLondoner thank you. Yes, it did get better after each of my babies were born. I didn't have an issue letting my mum hold the babies. My discomfort (and flinching!) was tied specifically to me being pregnant - it is hard to explain, but it was the physicality of my pregnant body. I didn't dislike being pregnant, but I couldn't stand being around my mum when I was, and her questions. It was almost unbearable.

Ps ... Excellent username. I am also a caffeinated Londoner!