I could buy my own saucepans, BUT... (Titled edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

[NCembarassed]

Please, please, please MN Cookery Clan, I need your help. This is long, which I apologise for.

Before I start, I need to point out that I have physical disabilities and am being investigated for possible CFS/Long Covid. I'm not lazy, I promise. My entire family are ND which also contributes to the problem. I am on a v.low income, so can't afford a dishwasher or many ready meals. Given I struggle to cook almost every meal, and my dietary restrictions, I don't believe batch cooking is a realistic option.

It takes so much time and energy for me to cook a meal, even if I have help, I usually have to stop partway and get one of my children to take over/serve up etc. Frequently I'm so tired I fall asleep before the food is ready. It's nothing especially time-consuming. I mostly cook Indian style foods eg curry. Think Meera Sodha or Rukmini Iyer recipes, and that's mostly what we eat (with some Slimming World).

I am experiencing major cookware problems. I mostly use stainless steel saucepans and did have some Le Creuset. They are now knackered and I need help working out what to replace them with. I am mortified and ashamed about this, so please be kind. When cooking is done, the person who has served up (who, to be fair is overwhelmed at this point, not comfortable being asked of anything due to their mental illness) just goes and retreats from everything, including any leftovers in the pan.

I have begged my children to please put leftovers in a dish to cool, and rinse the pans so I can clean them the next day, but it is never done. Stupidly, I have sometimes dug in the following day(s) and refused to deal with the now baked on food (which I am least equipped in the family to deal with, due to my physical disabilities, which make rubbing/scrubbing unbearably painful and ineffective), telling my family as they made it worse by not rinsing they can fix it.

It's a waste of breath. I am becoming resentful at times, feeling that nobody ever supports me or cares enough to help me meet our practical needs (keeping our home functional). I'm feeling rather sorry for myself today, which is not like me. I genuinely can't go on like this, but it looks like I am stuck with this dynamic until they leave home (unlikely given their MH issues). I'm frequently having to drive them to the Crisis Cafe as they can't cope with daily life (even with zero responsibilities other than max 20mins cooking per day)- it's tempting to take myself there at the moment but a) it won't fix anything and b) past experience tells me I'll just bring a boatload of judgement on myself with no practical help whatsoever. That is horrible of me though. If my young adult can't cope with a max 20min task most days, that isn't a reflection on them. They are unwell, and I'm probably a shitty human (let alone mum) for asking this of them. If they then retreat to friends/Netflix for the rest of the time, with most of our crockery going mouldy in their room, they tell me it's a symptom and I'm being unfair. I've paraphrased that last word, it's usually something way stronger.

Apologies for my tangent.

The result? Saucepans are sometimes only lasting 2 weeks before becoming rusted. My Le Creuset has holes in the coating. My baking trays are scratched beyond repair (including my beloved Mermaid, which was a gift I have treasured for years - I thought they were indestructible until my family used them [sob]).

What can I replace them with? It is exhausting to cook, to then have my body force me to sleep. I then am not rested and have to go straight to bed. If my children aren't home, I just eat sandwiches or a potato if I'm well enough. Nobody else in the house will prepare food or wash up. I am the only adult capable of any 'adulting' in the household.

I prefer not to use aluminium. Morrisons currently have Scoville non-stick on offer, which I am tempted by. However, despite all my efforts, if anyone other than me is serving up they keep using metal cutlery on anything non-stick.

Thank you so much if you've got this far.

My whole family adore paneer, and I've now made it twice. However, it sticks to everything and starts to break up. What am I doing wrong?

First time I left it under a weight for most of the day. To cook, I put oil in the metal pan, and added the paneer before any sauces. It stuck so well, I could not get it clean and had to throw the pan out. Family had commented it tasted of lemon, so I can't have rinsed it enough.

Second time, I wondered if the paneer had been too dry the first time. Rinsed thoroughly, applied the weight for several hours, then put in the fridge. Sautéed veg, put in half a supermarket sauce (never as good, but energy saving), then the paneer. It still kept trying to stick. Added remaining sauce, plus extra water. Paneer kept trying to break up.

It's really hard to know where to start, but I wanted you to know someone is thinking of you. The paneer question is the least of your problems and frankly it doesn't sound as if your family is doing much to deserve one of their favourite foods.

Who else is in your household? You mentioned one of your children who gets too overwhelmed to cope with a very basic daily task (taking leftovers out of a pan so it can be cleaned). You also mention that your children are out of the house ( do
you have a break from cooking for them). They are also ok pursuing friendships when they have removed themselves from the kitchen. So they have a degree of independence and sounds as if they are physically doing better than yourself. Why is it ok for all the catering and cleaning today fall to you? If you suspect they are never going to leave home, they have to take on some of the responsibility or you will crash and burn. This is not fair on you.

I think Housekeeping is the wrong place for your thread, you need some informed outside opinions on the dynamic of your family situation and there are better threads I think, maybe in relationships or one of the MH threads. I think you are focusing on one issue - replacing your cookware - when actually you need help with how to manage a household where nobody seems willing or able to help you with essential jobs. That is meant in a supportive way, it's clear that you have got stuck with a heavy burden and can't see a way out, especially when you are permanently exhausted by your own health issues.

Thank you for replying @maslinpan. Our family is me, and my DC. Eldest DC is 18, with ADD & EUPD; and youngest is 11.
Myself and youngest also might be autistic (according to GP & school, who have referred us).

It is rare they are out of the house at mealtimes! I'm starting a new job soon, so will have even less energy. It is needed though, so I can feed/clothe/house my little tribe - otherwise we'll never stop struggling financially (a whole other story).

I'll ask MN to copy this into MH.

Well I do think that its ok to ask a housekeeping query in and of itself to be honest because at the end of the day you need to arrange your kitchen and cooking practicalities around the most efficient and resourceful way you can

So first off, slow cooker, do you have one? If so, do you use liners for them? I buy liners, havent even washed out the actual slow cooker pot since using them

Second, I line all my baking trays with foil to save on getting them too dirty although its not fool proof

Third, how on earth are you lifting up Le Creuset stuff, its heavy!

Tx @soupfiend I do have a slow cooker. I don't use it often though - I am so sluggish in the mornings or up so late, there isn't time to prep the food beforehand - let alone wait 6-8 hours.

The liners sound very practical.

Also I don't have much confidence in cooking without recipes. We rarely eat meat, because it's too expensive, and most slow cooker recipes are meat based.

I did have a silicone tray liner (fiddly to use, but great for biscuits), but it was used by eldest. It now has a small slash in it - looks like they've used a sharp knife to cut something (most likely pizza). I had bought a new non-stick baking tray specifically for pizza, which lasted less than a week - they used a sharp knife and scratched the coating.

When the Le Creuset was usuable (it was another beloved gift), and the Sainsburys replacement could be used, I had to ask eldest to take in on/off the hob for me. It was the best for casseroles [sigh]. Well, no more. They angrily cleaned it with a steel scrubber. The coating is buggered now.

My constant pleas for help, followed by damage of almost every piece of cookware is coming close to breaking me.

Your eldest is massively adding to your stress levels. They can't keep using their MH as an excuse for actively trashing your expensive and necessary cookware, using a metal scourer was just vindictive. I would be sorely tempted to put them on a regime of no cooking at all, Pot Noodles which they can sort out. They may be unwell but so are you, the household has to function in some way and they do need to step up.

John lewis The Pan range is good

@NCembarassed Le Creuset customer services are outstanding. They do offer a lifetime guarantee.

A couple of years ago, I contacted them, by email, wrt to my 20 year old, cast iron casserole dish because the enamel coating had completely degraded.

I had to answer a few questions and uploaded some photos, they sent me a brand new casserole!!

So they may be worth a try?

https://www.lecreuset.co.uk/en_GB/contactus

I didn't link John Lewis there it did it automatically

Just coming back to the slow cooker, chickpeas and lentils are great in it and fish will cook quickly although I do get what you're saying about the time overall

No prep though, just chuck some tins of chickpeas, cans of tomatoes, other veg (buy it prepped if chopping is hard, I do this due to disabilities in my hands), due to it being veggie it wont take all that long

As I have an OH that also cant or wont look after things Ive resigned myself to cheap cookware. Lost so many good things over the years.

Gordon Ramsey Hex Clad pans are pricey but excellent , they’re non stick but you can still use metal utensils with them.

This is complicated. You have bigger issues here.

But, Most things don't stick. I just use a massive non stick wok, and also a big silver viners pot. Spray one cal oil and also a glug of olive oil. Nothing sticks. Not paneer or anything. Why is everything sticking?

My teen as ASD and can’t handle just being told to do a new task in the kitchen. I have to walk her through the steps in ridiculous detail many times, especially if it is one causing stress or anxiety. It does sink in eventually though.

at a time not right after dinner I would talk to your children that things are changing and they will be helping with cleanup. You will be talking them through the process step by step until they learn how to do it independently.

then after dinner you will literally tell them to take out a container, remove the lid, pick up a spoon, scoop out a spoonful, now another spoonful…. Ok that is a good portion, so put the lid on. There is enough for another portion so get another container….

it will take time at first and feel ridiculous, but they will learn.

So, I use relatively heavy-based stainless steel pans; I rate the more expensive IKEA range amongst others (ditto their frying pans). It doesn't matter if people use forks etc on them as there's no coating to lose.

But I would also say, a lot of the things you say you're cooking sound quite attention intensive - so you'd be standing/coordinating things going in for quite a while before they're ready to eat which is presumably contributing to your fatigue. Have you considered trying to move your cooking to more one-pan type meals? They all go in the oven and cook in a reasonable time - and you could even prep when you have energy, stick it in the oven later and just put the baking dish with leftovers directly onto a fridge shelf. You could also get your kids involved in the assembly - my 11yo for example is perfectly capable of chopping things, seasoning them, stirring them in a dish and chucking it in the oven (with direction). You can then just soak the pan when it's empty overnight and give it a rinse and wash the next day.

With the paneer - if you're trying to brown it, sounds like your pan wasn't hot enough; it needs to be screamingly hot otherwise it will stick. Good way to test is to flick some water on it and see if it 'bounces' in little dots; if it does that then it has become essentially non-stick.

And as a PP mentioned - if you have the energy, Le Creuset customer service is excellent so do give them a go for your cookware.

I have chronic exhaustion from an autoimmune disease. I buy a pack of roasting tins and paper plates to keep cooking really simple when I'm in a flare up. So, for example, you can empty a tin of beans into a roasting tin and oven it for 15 mins. Add toast and some ready shredded cheese on the paper plate. Then there's no washing up there whatsoever. I even buy a pack of wooden cutlery so there's nothing to do but bin/recycle.

Also, please don't feel guilty. You're not lazy and it's not your fault that you're ill. Chronic exhaustion is serious.

Agree slow cooker. Also, baking parchment is useful to stop things sticking/dishes getting too dirty and personally I find it better than foil. There is a double sided one with foil on one side/parchment on the other that "moulds" better to the dish.

OP and hoping you feel better soon.

I let go of expecting myself to function ‘as normal’ when life was anything but normal

I used to make a variety of meals but many are not possible because like you the energy/capability and even motivation is just not available to me right now

I understand money needs saved, preferences for non-aluminium, or cooking from scratch and you don’t have to compromise all of them in one go forever

Try some ready cut veg, packet sauce, for slow cooker and get your teen to put it all in Mon night to cook overnight for Tues nights dinner while you are preparing Mon nights dinner in a disposable foil tray for oven

Both of you might feel a bit less ‘alone’ if preparing stuff together, the tray can be thrown out, as can slow cooker liner, so two dinners prepped in one night with no pots to wash and prep time is also reduced

Even you only do this once a week it might be worth the compromises just to have a small breather

It could build up a feeling of ‘we might both rather be doing anything other than this but at least we can see each other getting it done so neither is working away in the kitchen alone imagining the other relaxing’

(even if of course the other wouldn’t necessarily be ‘relaxing’ - but that might be the perception)

And cooking is more relaxing knowing in advance neither of you will be left pots and pans to deal with by the other or stressing about if the pan will survive

I personally would stick with the liner, tinfoil and disposable trays and not buy any ‘proper’ cookware when the convenience and time/energy saved is what is needed most right now

Then after a while maybe try and involve teen in choice of cookware - cheap ones at first and see how that goes

I see no point in buying expensive cookware when all the issues that caused the last sets to be damaged are still there

Better getting into a more manageable routine first and see if that helps?

This is mad. Just stock your kitchen with cereal, bread, cheese, ham etc and leave them to it. Maybe some big potatoes that anyone (even an 11yo) can bake in an air fryer or a microwave. Give the 11yo whatever you make for yourself.

I've recently bought a ninja frying pan, and I'm amazed at how non- stick it is. I would get rid of any metal scourers in the house , and just buy the foam ones.

Before you buy new saucepans try filling them (to cover the cooked on bits plus about 2cm) with cold water and adding a tablespoon of washing powder. Bring them up to a simmer. Keep it on a rolling simmer until the cooked/ dried on bits lift.

My Le Crueset has chips in the enamel but are still functional. I keep thinking about getting replacements but it never happens.

Also if you are feeling tired a sandwich/ omelette/ something on toast is a fine meal.

Agree that meera sodha etc recipes are labour intensive with chopping, dicing, stirring etc. Let alone homemade paneer.

How about traybake ideas - Google some veggie ones using chickpeas etc. Line the baking tray with foil to save on time and energy cleaning.

Leave pans etc to soak overnight if food is burned on (don't sit le creuset in water but filling with warm water with squeeze of washing up liquid is ok).

Pre chopped veg is more expensive but less labour intensive - frozen pre chopped is sometimes cheaper.

Easy meals like baked potato with beans are fine too - if you have a couple of easy meals like that, a stir fry, tray bake and maybe one all out Indian dish (can you make double the quantity? Would mean double the chopping but see what you could buy pre-chopped. Then that's another easy heat up meal).

I love my scoville never stick pans etc, and they really are exceptionally non stick. I haven't risked them with metal implements though!

Frozen veg is really good value and sometimes better nutritionally depending on how long the fresh stuff has been sitting around.

I think home made paneer is quite expensive given how much cheese you end up with compared to how much milk you've used. Unless you got the milk yellow stickered or something