5 things I can do today to feel better?

[Saturdayafternoons]

Hi all,

I've had an operation recently and I am really struggling. I have only left the house to see the GP in nearly 3.5 weeks plus for short walks down our country lane.

I've only seen DH and the DC and my parents popped in.

I am in increasingly convinced my operation hasn't worked or I've jeapordised it unintentionally by moving in the wrong way.

I can't exercise other than gentle walking. I've read books, done wordle, tried colouring in.

I spent the full 12hrs between waking and bed crying yesterday and I've cried every day for nearly a month. My face is puffy, I'm exhausted but the moment I open my eyes in the morning I remember and the only thing that stops the worrying is getting into bed and sleeping.

I don't want anti depressants and can't see the Consultant for the next 5 weeks.

Can anyone give me some suggestions to help me stop this awful destructive thought pattern?

I'm so exhausted from the worry and the crying and the post op weakness.

So what five tips can those of you who are wiser and have some perspective give me please?!

You’re doing brilliantly, @Saturdayafternoons. 🌷

@CheshireSplat, I love Oliver Burkeman! He writes so well and could be describing me in almost everything he says!

@Bisgedi thank you. ☺️

@CheshireSplat I'm slightly the opposite, I can't figure out what else there is for me. (I don't mean in the context of this particular issue) Like I've done all the things. I've travelled, had children, bought houses, had jobs, worked in the city and then in the public sector. Children just need to leave home.. And then what? I can't imagine filling the next 40 yrs with tasks and activities! I never thought about what I'd do when I got older!

I am also task driven at the weekend. I drive DH mad with the mental list that I recite back to him as I've ticked it all off! I'm constantly working back in my head from. 5pm Sunday night to make sure I've had time for everything.

I'm very good at relaxing if I'm tired though, I always have a weekend nap. And I'm very strict on bedtimes, I'm usually in bed by 9pm ish even on the weekend. Up at 5/6am to exercise. I have a schedule.

So yes. I got up this morning and new schedule was write, gratitude (which still sounds a bit daft in my head but I'm going with it for now!), walked, physio, fed my chickens, read a bit of my book. And I got wordle in 5! Whoop!

I think I'm really glad I started this thread. You've all been amazing. I love the tips, I love the meditation as its basically giving me yoga shavasanna vibes at bedtime.

I started reading the new Amor Towles book yesterday too which is charming. 'table for 2'.

Target for the remainder of the day is to keep myself busy so I can't worry/feel sick all day.❤️

I guess my thought is that we're all going to be dead soon enough, for all eternity , so why not appreciate this life we've been given and enjoy the ride?

It sounds as though you are jaded and really don't enjoy anything any more; just going through the motions.

@BettyBardMacDonald I absolutely agree with you. But since I turned 40 it has just been a repetitive list of tasks. Some are joyful - I'm happy weeding or tidying the garden etc. I do get pleasure from small things. I love being in the garden planting seeds, going for fresh bread on a saturday morning, buying seasonal veg at the market especially in Autumn. That's never an issue.

Possibly because I dont really socialise and neither does DH. Maybe if we were more social I'd feel less disconnected.

I don't think you can make yourself sociable at my age. I mean we did all the class socialising and parents dinners etc when children in primary school. But we live too far to walk/drink and I am rubbish at hosting people at home so 🤷🏼‍♀️

In general I'm very content from moment to moment as long as I don't think about it too much!

Anyway, that was a massive derailment sorry!

This thread was about things to do in the short term to make me feel better and stop worrying.

So I'm going to go for another short walk as its hot and sunny outside. 🌞

I think you need to start painting the dog and the lemon now.
Buy some art paper, brushes and acrylic paints from Amazon
In our area, there are adult education beginners painting classes
I think you've got some ability there - something to develop further

@cavernclub thats very kind of you. The good lemon was my DS 14!!! The dog was definitely me however.

I did buy some colouring pencils so I shall do some more drawings and colour them in. 🎨

Hi all, just a little update and in hope that there's someone out there who wants to chat.

I was right, my stitches did heal incorrectly and I've just had a third corrective surgery since last summer 😮

I'm currently in the doldrums and trying to find some mental fortitude to pick myself up yet again and get on with it.

I think this time around I know that it isn't the end of the world. That there are things that can be done to fix it (if today's surgery doesn't work it's another major operarion sadly) and that there will be a pain free day ahead of me where I can do a proper workout again. (I lifted some weights before my surgery this morning and did a 15min yoga, thank god I did as I need to hold on to that feeling).

I can't garden again and can't exercise for a month which is what finally got me back to normal last summer.

So I'm back to walking, reading (once the anaesthetic wears off and the pain receded) and meditation lying down whilst I try not to endlessly obsess over my stitches again.

Part of me thinks there is only so much I can cope with and I've reached my limit. And the other bit thinks that I coped before and I'll cope again.

I did have counselling for a few months last time which helped a bit.

But I suppose one thing to say is that I'm glad I wasn't going mad and if you think there is something wrong medicallu, you should speak up.

That sounds really rough - three surgeries! You poor thing.

How about getting some seed catalogues to browse through, and sketch out some plans for planting flowers or vegetables this summer?

If someone else does the heavy bit of lifting the potting compost onto the bench or table, filling seed trays and sowing seeds shouldn't be a strain on you. It gives you a positive thing to focus on for the future.

@Turophilic yes that's on my list. I sorted out all the compost into pots before surgery so I'm going to plant a load of cosmos and poppies into pots.

Might do some tomatoes and courgettes too!

Determined not to fall into the horrible black hole like I did last summer 🌱

Sarah raven catalogue here I come!