Hi, I'm at breaking point the last 5 years of my life have been so damn hard and my toddlers behaviour at the moment is causing me severe stress levels.
I've just walked out of home to calm down as soon as my ex partner walked in.
Six years ago my I was married owned my own home, but my marriage had been breaking down for about 2 years prior. The last 9 months in the house we were barely speaking to children who are now 13 & 20.
I came home from work one day just over 5 years ago and couldn't get in door locked from inside. Being told from ex husband I am not allowed in the house.
Then and there with police arriving I lost my home and my kids through his lies. But I worked then on the road field based so couldn't prove I had not been home. Wasn't allowed to take kids with me as with dad, just my clothes that were basically thrown at me in black sacks.
Found a little studio a few days later and started fighting back to get my kids home. Everything then became horrendously delayed due to COVID. But managed to see my children 3 days one week 2 days the next.
I did meet someone else quite quick after losing everything, I was in free fall. My ex husband hated this, and tried again to stop me seeing the children, my daughter who is now 20, did not wanting to see me.
Fast forward a bit still with partner, and fell unexpectedly pregnant I had been on same birth control for years and had never failed me. Still seeing my son.
Gets to May 2021 and my ex husband texted for my plans for labour, sent them back the following day, I received a message if I want to see son I have to go to court as my partner and me are a danger to my son. Cafcass investigation still massive COVID delays and was stopped from seeing him for 9 months. Then a court order was made with the Judge stating this should have never got to court.
My second son born May 2021 carried me through this as without him I don't think I would still be here. House was sold just after he was born. And I had some money out it. I used this to pay off my credit card debt I had built up paying for solicitors and court costs extra rent so left with very little. But my ex husband took everything when I went to collect my apparent last belongings he had left a broken wardrobe a set of plates not mine and two bags of actual rubbish took my nans wine glasses left to me, my dad died in 2016 and my mum bought me a expensive vase my brother and sister got the same, he took this too and refuses to return it.
In June of 2021 I received an eviction notice from my landlord who was placing the house for sale. And in November 2021 I managed ( so grateful) get a housing association flat.
But during this time my now ex partner still refusing to move out knowing everything I had been through and still going through had an affair lasting 4 months, when got flat lived off me for 10 months stating had no money, lied about having a driving license had bought a car insured it and drove in my name the car I only found out by chance he changed job recently and chose not to have a car so insurance company which he obviously was not expecting wrote to me about my no claims. I have my own car and policy. So I called them then confronted him and he admitted it. I honestly believe now he saw someone vulnerable and had used me for 4 years, but I was to beat emotionally to see it.
I have asked him to leave, we don't sleep in same bed he has agreed but says he needs time I want him gone now. I do have a third son born May 2022, my own fault in a way, I didn't start taking birth control properly no idea why.
I am at breaking point at the moment as my son born in 2021 has some issues which I am waiting for a referral. But right now I can't cope. Both boys are well behaved ( take out his issues) at childcare. I pick them up come out for a hug as soon as in car screech my childminder has said I can't believe how different they are for you many a time, both boys are destructive I've thrown so much out pulling canvas off the wall, broke the TV last week, they don't sleep last night for example still awake I've sat in their room for 2 hours and still singing away trying to get out of bed. And today I've snapped and walked out to cool off. I took them to country park earlier and they ran around for close to 3 hours took them home would they nap no, so this afternoon they have repeatedly stripped their beds bare, spilt a neat bottle of squash over a mattress, not eaten their dinner thrown it around the room, fought with each other since 1pm virtually constantly. So with a bad night last night and today no sleep, they have pushed me to my breaking point.
Every day at the moment I constantly have to fight my demons from past 5 years, and my toddler are being so naughty
They are not sleeping
Constantly fighting
Hit me on a daily basis two weeks ago I had a black eye after one had hit me in the eye with a toy car
If I take them out as my slightly older son has issues it's so hard with him running off he has reins but has learnt how to unclip them
They run around the flat wrecking things first thing till last thing
One of there favourite games at the moment is pulling all my clothes out of drawers and throwing around the room
The list could go on with behaviour
But I'm cracking up something chronic I can't cope and I'm looking for ways to hurt myself or just run life shouldn't be this hard and my only safe place is work. I work in a small team that have no idea what's going on, but they so help keep me sane it's unreal.
I massively over protective of my little boys, I know this much, not had a night or any time away other than work. I can't be apart from them as it scares me they will go, sitting in my car writing this my mind is going around what are they doing etc.
But I've hit a wall last couple of weeks and I don't know what to do.