Experiencing diagnosis as a shock, and not experiencing any relief afterwards

[kj7777]

(ND, but as it's not a common or accepted experience, I'm going to talk about it in general mental health instead)

Anybody else in a similar situation, or with some comforting words? (Please don't tell me how to feel about this, as I've been exposed to toxic positivity for many years already, and just feel closer and closer to the bottom as the years go by.)
And when people claim formally diagnosed people must be privileged, I just feel the stress and anger rage through my body.

I just feel extremely alienated and have done so for the most of my life. It feels like there's such a censorship around this topic at the moment, like you could only talk about being diagnosed as a positive experience.

And the whole divide between "ND and NT" just add to my loneliness, as I'm obviously not NT in the eyes of other people, but can't relate to much of what's described as the ND experience.

TL;DR: My mental health as been horrible since diagnosis, it's like I'm not allowed to my own feelings, and it hasn't been understood by therapists either.

Their are certain diagnosis specifically personality disorders which come with a lot of stigma and people are better of staying undiagnosed unless your lucky enough to live in an area that offers specific help for the diagnosis

What is your diagnosis @kj7777 What prompted you to seek a referral?

I never went for a referral, I was still a child at the time, and didn't expect any diagnosis in particular.

For me I think it comes from how you are told and the process of diagnosis.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar I had been under specialist mental health teams for 3 years and from the start I knew there were a couple of diagnosis that they were wanting to explore. There was never "this is what is wrong with you" moments as I saw the jigsaw come together over time.
I was quite shocked however some years later when I had bipolar type 1 written on some paperwork. I had always assumed I was type 2 as I had never had a hospital admission although come close a few times. I mentioned it to a friend and was surprised by their lack of surprise. Looking back over the diagnosis criteria and I did fit the box for mania more than hypomania in certain exercises.

Is there anyone you can talk to about the diagnosis, how it fits for you and what it means longer term. It took time but with support I have got to a place where I live alongside my bipolar. I have to make certain decisions to protect my mental health. I need adjustments at work and that's ok. I have had therapy and can use those skills to curtail symptoms and stop them spiralling into an episode