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Dark thoughts again…

5 replies

Wouldliketofeelmorepositive · 15/08/2024 02:30

Not sure where to start.

But the gist of it is I’m finding life so hard. At 50, I feel I have failed at being a functioning adult.

I worry constantly about money to the point I feel sick every day and - like tonight - can’t sleep. Our mortgage is enormous and we can barely afford the bills. We are just drowning financially and the stress is now overwhelming.

My upbringing was possibly emotionally abusive - I felt very sad, not worth much and very alone for many many years. My sibling died during childhood which was devastating. I had a breakdown in my mid-teens (which was ignored), was homeless a couple of times after university (my parents lived away so never knew), became an alcoholic and had a failed suicide attempt in my twenties (that I have always kept secret).

Getting married and having children probably saved me from a very dark path.

Outwardly I am confident, capable and very sociable. I run a business, do a lot of charity work and am the ‘go to’ person when people need help. But behind closed doors I am a mess. I haven’t told my DH how depressed I really am because he will want to help but I don’t know how he can.

So I am now having suicidal thoughts again. Please tell me I’m not alone in finding life hard. I know I must (and will) keep going for the sake of the children - who of course I love more than anything on earth - but I can’t see a time when I’ll not be worried all the time about our finances and generally feel like a crap person. It’s exhausting.

Don’t know what to do! Will things ever get better? Or is this just … life? Perhaps I’m being self indulgent and need to toughen up.

OP posts:
Droolylabradors · 15/08/2024 02:47

Hi OP I'm up in the night and saw your post and just wanted to say hi you are not alone.

I am 46 and started having the same thoughts (but for other reasons) when I was in my early 40s and I know how hard it it.

I've spent a lot of time talking to a therapist about it. My dark thoughts were triggered hormonally, but even though I'm on much more of an even keel now and on HRT, when things get tricky, my first thought is to revert into the thought pattern that I got used to for so long.

I don't have any answers but you might be helped by speaking to someone/anyone about it. Even my GP gave me a tissue and a shoulder to cry on. She suggested CBT to help me deal with it which wasn't right for me, but might be right for you

Go easy on yourself. Xxx

Droolylabradors · 15/08/2024 07:20

@Wouldliketofeelmorepositive I'm just checking in now the sun has come up. Do say how you are feeling this morning. Sometimes it's better than 2am!

flapjackfairy · 15/08/2024 07:25

you sound v far from being a failing adult ! You have made a successful family life and run your own business and are contributing to so many people in so many positive ways. It is your low self esteem talking and not reality so try to hold on to that. As regards finances could you ease the burden if it is causing so much worry by downsizing or moving to a cheaper are?

Wouldliketofeelmorepositive · 15/08/2024 09:18

Very grateful for your responses and kind words, thank you. Feel a sense of relief to share.

OP posts:
Droolylabradors · 15/08/2024 10:22

@Wouldliketofeelmorepositive I'm more than happy to keep checking back or chat via dm if you have no one else to chat to.

I've had some horrible days crying on my own. 💐

I'm a long time mumsnetter in case you are worried.

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