I’m just not cut out for this

[WilldFlower]

I can’t cope at the moment. LO is 8 months old, going through a hardcore sleep regression, then up at 5am and it seems like he’s non-stop into everything from the minute we’re up. I can’t leave his side until DP is home from work. My wrist, back and hips are hurting from all the lifting and carrying him. I’m exhausted.
For the past week I have felt completely burnt out and so tearful. A friend of mine said “I hate to tell you, but it gets harder from here” and that is ringing around my head constantly.
After having fertility treatment to have LO, we’d said we’d start trying for #2 when he was 18 months in case it took a long time again (I’m not old, but would be classed as “geriatric mum” by the time #2 is planned). But to be honest, I don’t know how I’d cope with another. I really don’t. I’m starting to wonder if I’m just not cut out for it.
I love my baby so so much. He’s so well looked after, but behind my smiley demeanour I am absolutely broken right now.
I don’t know what I want from this really. I just wanted to be able to vent anonymously, I guess. If anyone has any words of encouragement, or wants to share their experiences of being FTM or going from one to two that might be helpful?
Thanks for reading xx

Honestly OP, ignore your friend. It gets harder in some ways but gets so much easier in most of the others- the ones you’re struggling with now. It is SO hard when they’re immobile, can’t walk, can’t really play independently, can’t entertain themselves, my daughter is 4 months old now and it’s constant attention, holding, carrying, by her side 24/7, can’t even have a wee in peace. Once they can walk, move around themselves, play with and be entertained by toys solo, it does get a bit easier. Yes it comes with different challenges because you’re chasing them around and making sure they can’t get into mischief but they can play independently while you have a hot coffee, you can go to softplay and they can play and run around with other kids, you can go to playgroups and they can play with other kids etc. My godson is 20 months and I have him 4 days a week while on maternity so his mum can go to work and he is so much easier to entertain than my 4 month old (who is also going through a sleep regression so I get it!). He will quite happily play in the sand and water pit for an hour in the garden, kick a ball around for an hour, play with his big lego blocks for an hour etc. It’s harder in the sense you need eyes in the back of your head, but it’s not the constant holding/entertaining it is when they are babies x

First of all our friend is wrong, it doesn't necessarily get harder. Everyone is on a different path, phases vary in length and intensity for every child. And each difficult phase feels endless and relentless.
You sound absolutely exhausted and as we know, sleep deprivation is torture and makes everything feel unbearable. If you could have one good night sleep you would instantly feel so much better, about everything.
Any chance you could get 48 hours to yourself?
Here:

I absolutely HATED the first year with my baby, but then it began to get sooo much easier. Now she's 3 and I love it!

To start your friend is completely wrong. I absolutely couldn't stand the baby stage and I love being a toddler mom so much it hurts.

My son is 2 & a half now and he was such a clingy baby with the worst sleep patterns ever. The sleep gradually got better, going back to work when he was 10 months brought the parenting duties to 50 / 50 and we slowly worked out a routine where we had a good mix of time to ourselves, for our relationship and as a family.

This all took time but if you told me when I was in the thick of it, I'd never have believed it'd get better or I'd feel capable of having a second child. Now I'm currently 9 months pregnant with baby boy #2, still loving the toddler stage and bracing myself for the baby one again. 😂

Things that helped when I felt so burned out were going to therapy - helped the most - and taking 2 evenings a week to myself. My husband did the same and those days were hard but I needed a break so badly. We alternated and went to the gym - my classes were mainly light yoga but it was bliss to drive them on my own and get a hot choccie after. Plus I signed my husband and son up for a weekend swim class, sold it to him as a great way of bonding which he was delighted with, and got an afternoon every weekend with the house to myself.

Just to note as well I felt a lot of pressure around having the "perfect" age gap between our kids as we only ever wanted two. I was really anxious about it because I didn't think I was coping well enough for a second, but around 18 months post partum we both felt completely ready. When the idea of trying seems fun instead of horrifying you'll know you're ready. ❤️

You don't have to have two, so just wait a bit and see how you feel. I have found being a parent the toughest hardest thing I've ever done, and so I only had the one. I don't think I'd have managed very well with two.

Could you get a sling to carry him around a bit hands free? Would be less painful on hips/arms etc and you could still do some things you want/need to.

Your friend is wrong. I have a 4yo, 2yo and an 8 week old and I'm dreading the stage your at but excited to get past it to the 3/4 year old stage. It's the best!!

Thank you so much for your replies, reassurance and helpful suggestions. I’m grateful to each of you ❤️ feeling a bit less negative after reading your comments while LO is actually sleeping 🥹

It's much easier when they can move themselves. For now get a sling, but it needs to be one that won't hurt your back or shoulders. There might be a sling library in your area. 8 months is difficult territory, I remember it well!

Are you breastfeeding? If so, consider stopping as your ligaments will be softer if you are and possibly causing you hand pain etc. personally I found BF at this age exhausting and my hormones were all over the place. Everyone was happier when I stopped.

Are you following a complicated weaning programme? If so, stop that and keep it absolutely as simple as you can. Mashed up banana, bits of toast, scrambled eggs, pureed fruit in pouches are all your friends.

You may already be doing this but get proper early nights. Also reconsider co sleeping if you're doing that. You need as much hardcore sleep as you can get as this makes everything better. Lots of people get up at 5am for work etc., try to think of this as the new normal for now.

Then get outside as much as you can. With the pram, walks, swings, anything and everything. Go swimming with DC if you can. Practice letting other people hold him and play with him even if he gets cranky for a bit.

This advice may all sound terribly old fashioned (I'm not actually that old!) but you can't pour from an empty cup. Look after yourself too and you'll start to feel a bit better.

It doesn’t get harder I don’t get why people say that. 8 months is about as hard as it’s going to get, they’re into everything and with baby not sleeping well on top of that it’s no wonder your worn out. Once baby is walking I find things start to get much easier. Even better when they start talking. 18 months onwards has been great with my first two, and I’m hoping it will be the same with my 3rd, who is currently also into everything 🙈