Anxiety and ocd-what can I do? Help

[baffledamd]

I've always had some level of anxiety, made a lot worse by a traumatic ectopic pregnancy and then lack of sleep since DS was born 3 years ago.
Series of shitty life events haven't helped..horrible birth, dad died last year, both grandparents died in the last ten days, cost of living has screwed us over etc.
I did CBT earlier this year and although the therapist thought I'd made great strides I really didn't. I feel ill.
We have had pests in our house (carpet beetles) and despite throwing everything at it are still seeing larvae which sends me on a downward. wider spiral, even though we are cleaning all the time at the cost of a normal life. I can't eat or sleep as we saw one today, just before my grandads funeral. I feel anxious and on edge in my house and totally ocd about cleanliness which isn't great with a messy toddler.
I'm thinking about phoning my gp tomorrow but what will they do? I've had the CBT, but I can't live like this anymore. At points the last few weeks I have genuinely felt suicidal and wake up with a racing heart at night. I don't have many friends to talk to and there is only so much my husband can do. It's affecting my son too. I genuinely hate my life at the moment and I desperately don't want to feel like this.

Bump if anyone can help please

Perhaps anti depressants are worth a try. Talk to your GP about it and say how you are struggling with day to day life. I have anxiety, but is relatively mild so can deal with it.
We also had carpet beetles lately, I threw any fabrics that was stored under the bed, used an old toothbrush to clean along the edge of the carpets and hoovered thoroughly. Sprayed the carpets with white vinegar every couple of days and hoovered every day. They seem to have gone now.

I have anxiety and OCD too, and also had CBT and didn't feel it helped much. I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling. I would definitely talk to your GP. Mine brought up medication (which I didn't end up trying, but honestly if my anxiety gets to the level that it was again, I will), and various other types of counselling. There are lots out there. Just having someone to talk to each week gave me an outlet which was hugely beneficial and helped the feelings of depression also.
The other thing I find/found helpful was distraction. I also have contamination OCD (so cleanliness was a huge thing), and I was constantly cleaning the house etc. Getting out the house for a few hours a week on my own in an environment I felt safe and comfortable (this will most likely take you a few weeks of feeling so) was really beneficial. I had something externally outside the house to focus on, and to plan my week around, which lifted my mood. I ended up taking a knitting class (had never knitted in my life, but the place it was held was a nice bright building and it was a small group- so felt manageable).
All the best, you're not alone

@Jackasnack
Thanks for replying.
Mostly it is manageable but these past few weeks it has been worse and I WFH so I am rarely out of the house which makes me feel worse.
We have hoovered, steam cleaned, thrown away curtains and rugs, put our pillows and mattresses in bed bug proof protection and now sprayed a bug killer around edges of any rooms with carpets and sofas, which I was loath to do with a toddler, but I can't handle worrying about seeing one anymore. I feel we have done everything and still we see one. Even pest control came and said our house was immaculate

Thank you, it's horrid isn't it. I worry if I speak to the gp they may take my son away altho he has a great life and is treasured.
Most things I read about medication say it makes you feel worse so I'd worry about taking it as I couldn't feel any lower right now. I feel like the CBT only works if you have time to dedicate to going over it but with a job, house, dog and young child I cannot spend ages doing it.

@baffledamd as I’m sure you read too, there is a life cycle of them, so as much as you might not be seeing the benefits of your efforts right now, you hopefully should in the long run.
You sound like you have a lot going on right now, definitely give your GP a ring in the morning. You are also in very recent mourning so don’t be too hard on yourself. The clouds will lift.

The GP is there to help, not to take your son away, especially when you've got the support of a DP. They purely want to focus on helping you feel okay again.
I've quite a few friends on antidepressants. There are various types, some more suited to anxiety than depression from my understanding, and whilst some can make you feel worse for a few days, I know that when I was at my lowest I don't think I could feel any lower. But your GP will be able to give you info on the side effects, how to manage them, and decide what sort is best (if any) for you.
I agree with you about the CBT! But your GP might be able to refer you to talking therapy, which can help a lot.

Definitely look at options of getting out the house, especially when you WFH. It helps to break the cycle a bit, especially with a young baby, you need time for yourself x

@xmasdealhunter
I plan to join the gym so I can go in my lunch hours maybe in September when he's back in nursery.
My home no longer feels like my safe space and I'm constantly in my source of anxiety, so it's tough for sure and I need to get out more. WFH is very lonely

I will do, I feel sick with anxiety at the moment.
I absolutely hate the carpet beetles and am trying not to google too much. If it were just me and DH I'd get the house treated but I worry pesticides would affect DS. We have seen three larvae in a month so DH is not worried but I need there to be none for my mental health at the mo, which seems impossible as they come from the most random of places. House is clean as a whistle and zero silk feathers or wool, I feel like we live in a laboratory at the mo it's so sterile. It's ruining my time with my son.

that sounds like a great idea, exercise is a good distraction too :)