Therapist emailed me the day after major surgery, is this normal?

[putyourhandsintheairok]

I've had a very traumatic year so went to therapy maybe 6 months ago, recently things have been very difficult for me which therapist knows.

Anyway, I had a 'pause session' last week as therapist is going in for major surgery (heart bypass) and we've agreed sessions will likely start in 6 weeks time.

I have been worried about this break, probably selfishly, although absolutely understand why therapist needs the time off. We agreed he would contact me at some point in a few weeks time to let me know all was ok, I was happy with this.

Anyway, on Monday evening therapist had bypass surgery. On Tuesday evening, completely out of the blue he has emailed me from hospital stating all went well, he feels pretty good, very relieved etc and will be 'back in business' soon.

I am not making this up, so please don't troll hunt, this is absolutely the truth, I believe he has had a heart bypass (this was due to happen earlier this year but was rescheduled) and I believe some people do recover to this extent etc.

But I'm just a bit thrown by it. I am sure I'm not his only client and I'm surprised the message has come direct and personally from him to me (it's not a generic 'to all my clients, just updating you all went well' message it's 'hi put yourhands I'm relieved to say my operation went well and I'm feeling good and relieved. I'll let you know when I'm well enough for sessions to work further through your trauma" kind of thing.

I already had a few red flags about the therapy but I'm not sure if this is a lovely, reassuring, perfectly thoughtful and boundaried message. Or if it's a bit personal and I'm also a bit wtf about why is he thinknig about me the day after surgery?

I get that he could be woozy etc but surely he has arrangements for this stuff. My sister is a therapist (don't want to talk to her about this) and I know she has arrangements with her supervisor to make contact with clients in situations like this.

Oh sorry in the time I'm read and then replied I see it's personal and references personal stuff.

Yeah - find a new therapist with better boundaries.

With your updates I'd change therapist for sure. Does not sound professional, ethical or healthy. Good luck OP.

I've pasted in the message above. It's very casual, borderline weird, and all about me and my stuff.

Thank you, this is what I need to hear. Now seems like the perfect time given I am having a break from him anyway.

That’s completely weird

Get rid. Send him a neutral email and don’t respond to any further messages.

I would also send a neutral email with that message and your key concerns to his professional association.

Nothing terrible will happen to him - but he needs to work with a supervisor to get his boundaries in check. Either he hasn’t got one or he isn’t using them properly.

What type of therapist is he? Who is he
licensed/registered with? I find different therapists (eg psychologists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists) have different approaches to boundaries when it comes to talking about their personal lives with clients or patients.

The email seems very unprofessional in any context. But he could be very high on pain meds and in some sort elated state where he is telling everyone he’s okay. Still. Weird.

I'm a therapist - there are a lot of red flags here. But most importantly therapy and your relationship with your therapist should feel safe. Challenging yes and the work will be diffcult at times, but you should always feel safe. I am sensing that you feel quite unsafe. There is a natural break here so maybe you can use this time to explore therapy with someone else.

Also - I am so sorry. It makes me so angry when people go to therapy which is such a huge step and get treated poorly.

Seriously - none of this is ok. Please bin him and try a new therapist.

I've been having trauma therapy for the past two years and during that time the therapist has had a family bereavement and both she and I have had to cancel or rearrange appointments due to illness, she will either message me directly apologizing for cancelling and offer a new time, or in the case of bereavement the practice secretary rang me to let me know what was happening and she was unsure when she was back and we agreed a time to make contact again to be updated. I would describe the contact as warm, casual but always professional, we both acknowledge that life happens and we both are flexible if necessary.

The contact you received is not professional to me, their behavior would worry me and I wouldn't feel comfortable dealing with your therapist, I wouldn't feel safe and actually feel a bit anxious just reading of your experience with this person. I would rethink attending any sessions and find someone new.

He sounds shit at his job and also generally unprofessional. You should get a different therapist - there are plenty out there.

From your first message, I thought it might be okay and something I could absolutely see my therapist doing but the more you've said, the more weird he sounds. I think you're definitely better off with someone else. There's a lot of ethical red flags raised about some of the things he's said - needing to come twice a week, not allowing you to get a second opinion etc. I'd take this break as an opportunity to find someone who is a much better therapist

To put this in context, my therapist emailed me the day after I had major surgery. That's how I read your original post! The other way around is definitely not ok.

Ew… He sounds a bit creepy tbh. I think he might be a little blurry re professional boundaries and overestimating your personal feelings for him. Jump ship while you can.

Thank you everyone, I've spent the morning researching new therapists. Time to throw this one back.