Get me through today

[ssunflowers]

I know I sound pathetic, but I have anxiety disorder and it always runs rampant during any life event or milestone. Literally, anything. My DD turns 2 today and we're throwing her a big birthday party and I want to crawl into a hole. I'm trying so hard to mask it for my family but I'm shaking and can't stay off the loo (TMI). I won't let her down but I hate that all my memories of important days are clouded by the anxiety I felt. I think my problem is that I'm stuck with people all day and I can't hide away.

This is honestly the thing I HATE the most about myself. I cannot enjoy anything. I've always dreaded ever getting married because I know I will be in bits on the day.

Any words of encouragment to get me through the day appreciated x

Take some deep breaths. The anxiety can't hurt you, at worst you will feel uncomfortable but you are safe.

Your daughter won't remember any of this day so you don't need to worry about letting her down. And if it all gets too much, there's plenty of excuses for taking a few mins for yourself - popping out for something, taking a quick call, even just going to the loo.

You can do this.

I find planning something nice for after an event I'm Anxious about helps. So a nice takeaway, a glass of wine, film etc to look forward to tonight. And also thinking about what could actually happen and what you're most anxious about, I often realise when I really dig deep that I'm making something out of nothing. A lot of my anxiety is around what people are thinking about me and if my child starts playing up etc, people judging me. But I'm really trying to think so what?? It doesn't really matter what people think. It's shit having anxiety, I'd give anything to not have it so I sympathise greatly op.

Thanks for your comments, they definitely gave me a little boost when I needed them. Exactly that, I would give anything not to have this. I just want to enjoy my life so badly. It's given me a push to get some further help. I got through the day fine anyway, even if I did hide down the side of the building for a breather half way through

You need to be able to tell at least one family member or friend if you don't have a husband or partner so that you can discreetly tell them you need a few minutes upstairs as you feel overwhelmed and need to gather your thoughts, so that they can keep an eye on the children and the party .

I told my mum who told my partner to keep an eye on our daughter. There were 20-30 adults there.