Hello, im just looking for a bit of advice.
My 2nd child was born in Feb 2023. We had a lot of life stress going on related to my mother in law dying when my baby was a few weeks old, my son having difficulties in school and only in 1 hour a day due to his autism and being in a mainstream school.
Anyway I started getting panic attacks and intrusive thoughts (at the time I didn’t know it was intrusive thoughts and I thought I was potentially going to develop psychosis if I didn’t sort this out, which left me too scared to tell anyone about this part).
anyway I went to the GP who referred me to perinatal team (who rejected me due to not being bad enough) and the GP gave me 20mg fluoxetine.
the intrusive thoughts continued and I began to wrongly think it was the medication when it was actually just a continuation of the postnatal anxiety/OCD I was experiencing, the medication hadn’t had time to work yet. So I ended up not realising that at the time and became furious and obsessed the doctor had given me medication and not ‘warned’ me.
a few weeks later I stopped being able to sleep and was constantly thinking and talking about fluoxetine 24/7 and began to experience derealisation.
I knew this wasn’t right and at the time was too scared to go back to the GP. So I ended up calling 999 who said the crisis team wouldn’t see me due to me not being suicidal. I knew I desperately needed help and so lied and said I had made a plan. This got me into the crisis team and then transferred to the perinatal team.
this was over a year ago and I still daily think about it all for 9-10 hours a day. I’m on setraline 75mg a day as of 2 months ago and will increase it again.
but I’m just so stressed that I will never get over what has happened. I just go over and over what has happened obsessively. Then feel angry the GP wasn’t more helpful, that the perinatal team firstly rejected me. I also have such anxiety and almost guilt and shame that I ended up calling the crisis team.
it’s really hard to get my head around how I went to the GP for help and ended up like this.
i have a cbt therapist as of a few months ago and i am also going to a private ocd clinic Next week.
Just feel like this has ‘ruined’ my newborn experience and I’ve let myself down. I don’t mind feeling like this now but I get in such a panic it’s been a year and I’m still constantly going over it and what I’ve experienced.
thanks so much for reading. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts over my being terrified of getting over this/healing/moving onxx