Is it even possible to recover from C-PTSD?

[RienNienteNichts]

Just that really.

Been having counselling/therapy on and off for nearly 20 years now and am still basically having to organise my whole life around trying to avoid triggers.

Can't believe I'm going to be 40 soon - inside, I still feel like a broken 4 year old.

It's humiliating and I don't know how much more I can take.

Sending so much love and solidarity, I know how hard it is and it sounds like you've been so brave for so long. You're probably feeling exhausted but please be so proud of yourself for getting this far. Have you tried EMDR? That was key for me.

There's a great book called CPTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker which you might find useful.

If you find an answer please let me know.
I'm 66 and been having some sort of therapy/ counselling since l was 28.
Even been in and out of psychiatric hospitals.
I paid for EMDR last year.. didn't work.
I'm now at this moment having CAT therapy ( similar to CBT) But better and one to one.
I have a great psychotherapist..
It's helping but there is no magic pill to erase memories I'm afraid.

Thank you for your lovely reply ❤

I don't think EMDR would work for me as it wasn't one or even a few incidents that I could 'think back to' or whatever it is you're supposed to do*: it was the air I breathed (and then everything my brain did to try and keep me safe). For every memory I 'process', there are hundreds more waiting in the wings. It just feels insurmountable.

*possibly showing my ignorance here though.

Thanks @cupcaske123 ❤

Really sorry to hear you're in a similar boat 💙 I don't think I've heard of CAT therapy - will have a look at that.

As a remedial hypnotist I work with PTSD and trauma and this is how I describe it;

When something bad happens, a part of our mind gets the job of working out why it happened so we can work out how to avoid a similar event in the future.

However, when we suffer a traumatic event (or a series of events, as in your case) in our lives - especially early trauma - there isn’t always an answer to that question. Trauma can be so unexpected and undeserved that in truth we didn’t do anything wrong to cause it, and certainly couldn’t have avoided it.

The need to make some sort of sense of the experience can often lock us into that traumatic time of our life. A part of our subconscious becomes unable to move on until we can fully understand it and put it to rest in our minds hence the flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and anxiety. However if there's no possibility of finding out the truth then the subconscious needs to know that, because it won't continue the search for answers once it's aware that none are available.

So in answer to your question, yes, it is possible - that broken 4 year old needs to know she's safe and nothing bad can happen to her again.

I've recently had EMDR for cptsd. I had multiple traumas in childhood and adulthood (and very different traumas from childhood neglect/abuse to 3 near death experiences). It's not been a miracle cure but it has made a world of difference. I likened it to Russian dolls - if you start with 5 dolls, trauma had peeled them all away and I was left with 1, emdr helped add a couple back, so I'm not the same person but I've been partially rebuilt, enough to manage life.
You have to go with it, you get worse before you get better and you don't need to cover everything to heal (My therapist actually linked some traumas together as I didn't feel they were linked but she could see it). I had to wait 10 years (on nhs) for treatment but it was worth it. I got a years treatment (but therapist said I could have done with more) but nhs restrictions (I feel lucky to have what I've had).

I'm also in this situation. What should I ask for? Is there a name for this therapy?

@notnorman It's remedial/no trance hypnosis - happy to send you info by DM if you'd like.

Thanks @Plutofablestwo - I'm really glad it worked for you ❤

@Eyesopenwideawake So in answer to your question, yes, it is possible - that broken 4 year old needs to know she's safe and nothing bad can happen to her again.

Thanks for your reply ❤. Quite a lot of my most recent therapy centred on this (i.e. looking after the small broken parts of myself) and it was helpful but it hasn't 'fixed' it - I still need to make a conscious effort (and it is an effort) to a) remember that this is a thing and then b) actually try to enact the strategies I learned in therapy to help those 'parts' to feel safe. If I'm experiencing any kind of stress or difficulties at the same time, it just won't happen / I won't remember. It's like dragging myself through mud.

The problem isn't in your conscious mind, otherwise you would have dealt with it with logic. Your subconscious mind - which is there from birth and controls your imagination, emotions, automatic thoughts and actions and contains all your memories - is where the issue lies. Your ability to think rationally, see nuances and argue your case doesn't start to develop until about age 10, and then only slowly.

That's why it's the subconscious - which is still trying to protect you - that needs the help to leave the past in the past, not the conscious mind.

I'd recommend you check out the Out of the Storm website and associated forum.

https://www.cptsd.org/forum/

The bad news is that most of the people there have found it is not really something that you can get rid of. But the good news is that you can manage it to the point that it is not a huge drain on your day to day life. It sounds like you may not have found quite the right approach to enable you to do that. Some of the problem may be that many therapists are not trauma informed, so although you have been doing therapy for so long, it may not have been optimal even if it helped. And different things help different people. On OOTS you should be able to get some good feedback on what has worked for others, and how, so that may inform your ongoing choices.

Very similar story here , I have periods where I cope better than others but I find life very hard. I don’t have the answers to be honest but sitting with you in solidarity.

Hi OP, I have spent over 30 years trying to break through my cptsd/anxiety/depression etc which felt like a block of ice in my stomach.
Probably the biggest thing that changed my life was reading this book
www.amazon.co.uk/Conquer-Your-Critical-Inner-Voice/dp/1572242876?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
Instead of trying to silence your inner voice you give it free reign and listen to it.This will make it much clearer what your core beliefs are and where they come from.You will never get rid of your inner voice by fighting with it or trying to silence it.

The second thing that helped me was finding a very experienced psychotherapist who was able to guide me in the right direction and agreeing with me that I had complex PTSD.

The final thing that has had a profound impact is learning about structural dissociation.When you suffer trauma, your psyche splits into parts, one of which is the critical inner voice part. This part was initially created by your mind as a defence mechanism to keep you from antagonising your parents who could have done you even worse harm.
When you realise that this part is a part of you and you talk to it and accept it, then it starts to integrate and you can start to heal.
Structural dissociation sounds complicated and scary but is actually quite straightforward when you read about it and discuss with a good therapist..

@Eyesopenwideawake would you possibly DM me some info on this type of therapy as well, please?

(Sorry to jump on your thread OP)

Sorry, only just saw this. Will send soonest!