Ending my daughter's friendship because of her friend's parents.

[Pariafateh]

Hi everyone.
I have a six year old daughter, she loves her bestie so much, i used to be friend with her mom but i recently found out her parents are so much work and ended our relationship with them .they were constantly involve us in their mess and their problems .here is a summary of what was going on in the past 3 months .

The family is really unstable. Mom is bipolar and marijuana constant user , and has an affair, also attempted suicide in front of her little kid recently.and now has filed for divorce and left the house with the kid to live with her mother and his other brother who is also bipolar . The father on the other hand has beaten the child and the wife numerously and also smokes marijuana and cheats on the wife occasionally.

Now i feel like a hole is in my chest everytime my child asks about her bestie . I feel guilt for ending the friendship i tired to help the kid and the parents in so many ways but they are sick and addicted and they refuse to change.

Have you reported the child’s father to ithe police?

Yes and they didnt do anything.the family is so wealthy and seems pretty normal to others . both parents are such great liars .

The children can still be friends, you don't need to have a relationship with the parents.

From what you are describing the child is experiencing at least 4 Adverse Childhood Experienes. Please report the family to social services. They are experienced in figuring out if parents lie or not. This is a highly traumatic situation for the child and will have lifelong effects.

I would report to Ss also to school when back .

The girls can still be friends ( assuming same school or clubs) just no play dates

Is it not possible for them to play at yours without you having anything to do with the parents other than communicating about drop offs etc?
I do empathise, my daughter had a friend in a similar situation when she was that age and I would have the friend over to sleep etc, but as the girl started to get older she started to exhibit difficult behaviour- no doubt from environmental factors. She also started stealing things. It was really difficult.

I'm not sure why you're ending the girls friendship just because of the parents?

I came from a difficult background - should noone have been allowed to play with me??

I would absolutely end the friendship.

Your daughter could well be subjected to danger because of the unstable parents and sadly her friend is growing up in an environment where she is extremely likely to have problems such as aggression.

I wouldn't have my child anywhere near that family.

that is a shame

How difficult for everyone. I second the poster who suggested contacting safeguarding at school. I think I'd allow play dates only at mine and find out if GM is directly involved in the child's care now. If she is, I'd be looping her in on any arrangement with the Mum. Under no circumstances would I allow my DD to have contact with Dad.

Poor kid. I hope her GM can supply some support and protection.

Its not possible.they are not in the same school anymore . She has sent to a private school and mine goes to public school . I have to arrange playdates and everytimw the kid cameover there was so much drama . Dad calling me mom going away not answering her phone . We would set a playdate and in the last minute they went missing . I have a 1 year old too . Taking care of him alone is just a load of work . The woman would drop off her kid everyday and wouldnt pick her up unless i called her numerous times..and when she came to pick up the kid . She was stoned and drunk ...i couldnt take it anymore

Thank you , its exactly how i feel . But the guilt doesn't leave me alone . I keep dreaming of the little kid stuck in that house and my kid also cries for her friend and misses her .its a very difficult situation. The parents are in no condition to raise a child or have social relationship with anybody. I know i did the right thing . But this guilt ....this is so hard for me and my daughter.

I also came from a broken home with a difficult situation. I was an addict myself when i was in my 20s . I am sober now for almost 8 years . I went to therapy for years to come over the problems caused by my childhood . Being in that environment is not good for me nor my child i try my best not to put my child in the same traumatic space i was raised in. I know i made the right choice. But it was so difficult. The child is helpless and i loved her and it was out of my hand i had to leave her behind . And its making me crazy sad.