depressed + morbid 9yr old son - advice please!

[peabunny]

I've been worried for a while now about DS2's low moods, anxiety and negativity. Have spoken to my doctor about it before + he suggested a referral to a child psychologist. I decided against that at the time as i thought it might make him more anxious. Does anyone have any experience of this? This afternoon had a parent/teacher meeting (along with exDH) and the teachers expressed worries about him and things he had written - including talking about wanting to die. I have talked to DS2 about his anxiety before today - and I know it is partly to do with the separation, and also DS1 (who's 4years older) not treating him very kindly. The exDH warned me this would probably happen before we split and said it would all be my fault - so I'm just waiting for the 'i told you so'. I have suffered from depression + anxiety myself, and i'm still on 20mg fluoxetine which helps. We have all been through a lot over the last 2-3 years, including losing our house, and whilst DS2 seemed to deal with it all very well at first it now seems to have caught up with him. The exDH has made me feel very guilty about the split and has been prone to emotionally abusing me over the years. He is not particularly stable mentally himself. I don't know what to do now to help DS2, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Peabunny. I have not experienced this personally but couldn't read and not respond. You must be terribly worried and having all the extra concerns with your ex is very hard.

I think that you need to take ds2 back to GP, stress to them the new developments especially relating to morbidity and get that referral to the child psych. It sounds like there is a lot going on for him and he needs a professional to help him deal with things. I think that a possible short term increase in anxiety would be a small price to pay if the long term future can be made easier for him. I wish you well.

Get the referral to the child psychologist urgently. Your son needs help. Family counselling for you and your children can also be arranged by the CP after initial assessment. You may need to have this over a long period of time - it can be a slow process. It is really important that you and your Ds feel comfortable with the psychologist, and feel you can build up a relationship with her/him, so don't be afraid to say if you have any concerns.

Hi Ags and 3littlefrogs, thanks for responding. I will try to get doctors appointment tomorrow. If anyone out there has had previous experience of family counselling i would be really interested to hear what you thought of it.

Good luck with it all Peabunny. Hope your GP is helpful and sympathetic to you both.

Peabunny, how are things? Did you get to the GP?

not yet ags, have tried to get an appointment, my doc gets booked up quickly. will try again tmrw. Have spoken to a friend whose son is also having some anxiety problems and she gave me some good advice about where to ask for a referral to. Ds2 has been pretty happy in the meantime - but it's still best that he should talk to someone neutral about how he's feeling.

Glad that you are getting some rl support too peabunny. It is great to have someone to talk to. Good luck.