Shaming in childhood

[Tiddlesem]

How am I suppose to move on from chronic shaming throughout my childhood. I was my father's and siblings punching bag. Humiliated and shunned. I am doing therapy which is definitely helping but want to do more, just not sure what.

Does anyone relate? How do I start to form my identity again after years of being criticised for being me.

You recognise that their behaviour was nothing to do with you, all to do with them. Bullies bully because they either learnt it from their own upbringing (your father) and from fear of becoming a target themselves (your siblings). Either way there was nothing you could have done or not done, said or not said to have prevented it. But it's in your past, not your present or your future.

Are you still in contact with any of them?

Thanks @Eyesopenwideawake . Whilst I recognise that what they did was wrong and that it wasn't my fault I still find it hard to shake those inner thoughts that seem to have stuck to me. I just remembered something that my father had done to embarrass me and remembering the way he said it with such disgust and feeling very sad. Finding it hard to come back to reality I suppose right now

Sorry minimal contact with most, spending time with them makes me feel like shit

Oh and have a look at this video on core beliefs;

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How long have you been in therapy?

It is hard but be patient. You're on a long journey, you're stirring up difficult feelings by doing therapeutic work and you will have days where you feel worse before you feel better.

In addition to your therapy, focus on self-care, so sleep, exercise, nutrition and anything you find energising or soothing (depending on which you need).

@bergamotorange just an aside, therapy - especially for this type of issue - doesn't have to be long and difficult; it can be achieved in three sessions. How? There's a part of the mind that's holding onto the words and actions of the father and siblings, believing that they have some validity or that the OP was responsible in some way for what happened to her. Once that part of the subconscious knows that this is not true and there's no reason to maintain that belief it will be stopped. Yes, the memories will remain but they'll have no power, no emotional connection and therefore no shame attaching.

I think claiming this sort of issue can be dealt with in 3 sessions and you're done is really unhelpful.

I obviously don't know your qualifications as anyone can say anything on here but many promises of this type are made and it isn't realistic for many people.

How can it be unhelpful if it's true? I recorded a podcast yesterday with a host I worked with and he describes his experience of the therapy. Three sessions. Happy to send you a link if you like.

(@Tiddlesem - apologies for derailing your thread).

I think you should stop derailing the thread.

You're not the op's therapist, you know nothing of her backstory.

If you've just learned something about one type of therapy that may work for some people in some situations, that's great. But it isn't appropriate to assume or suggest it applies to all people in all situations all of the time.