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Agoraphobia in 20s after a lifetime of spiralling MH problems. Distraught today.

5 replies

anonymous98 · 02/08/2024 07:04

Sorry for rambling.

I am mid-20s, currently unemployed with caring responsibilities as my mother is increasingly disabled (she also has terrible MH). I have also had quite severe agoraphobia since 2022, which has killed off what was left of my (somewhat limited) social life. My mum is often unable to do anything without me, so the situation I am in probably works to an extent - but it's exhausting for me. My mother and I are becoming incredibly co-dependent - I cannot go anywhere without her - and it's unhealthy.

I have received counselling, medications, interventions etc. for the agoraphobia and nothing has helped. Currently seeing a CBT therapist and I am frankly completely unable to engage in therapy. I am convinced I am dying and will only leave the house to go to medical appointments or very brief supermarket trips. Despite seeing a cardiologist, I am back to square one with my heart anxiety because I have had palpitations again. Sometimes I really do think that I will just drop dead. I also worry constantly about getting cancer. My father and I are in semi-contact again, solely because he has fairly advanced cancer. We otherwise have no other meaningful relationship. I have been experiencing tiredness for 18 months and often worry that I actually have cancer and am dying.

I've also increasingly experienced suicidal ideation, self-harming behaviours and a general feeling of being a useless burden and a failure. I don't have a plan- in fact I am terrified to take my medications in case I accidentally overdose myself. I actually find the ideation extremely frightening because I basically want to live. * *I used to be an educated, successful, high-achieving person in my late teens and early 20s and I don't know how everything has gone so wrong. I will be 30 in 4 years time and the thought of being stuck in this loop at an age where many of my peers are starting to marry, have kids, achieve career success, go on exciting holidays etc. just makes me feel horrific. I am starting to obsess about ageing and worrying that I am too old to ever enjoy life again.

Prior to the agoraphobia, I experienced severe anxiety (diagnosed), OCD (diagnosed) and depressive symptoms for many years, stemming from about age 12. A lot of my friendships have ended due to my anxiety and general high-maintenance behaviour. I have not had a relationship for over 5 years. I also have a suspected eating disorder which I am awaiting treatment for (not underweight - I am a normal weight with bingeing/restricting behaviours). I do have minor health problems (long Covid type stuff) but I feel guilty for even worrying about that. My GP is supportive and I feel guilty that I never seem to get better.

I am terrified of being sectioned if I admit that I am experiencing ideation and self-harm behaviours. Funnily enough I actually doubt anyone would care if I did admit it - whenever I tell my mum this her response is usually: "well I want to die too", so that's not really helpful.

I am terrified of this post being picked up by the media or of getting sectioned - please bear this in mind.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 02/08/2024 09:14

That's a huge burden on your shoulders. Are you getting all the help you're entitled to with your mother?

I'm limited in time this morning but please have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4559328-im-a-hypnotist-remedial-not-stage-ama?page=1 and, if it resonates with you feel free to drop me a DM

theurbanpigeon · 02/08/2024 09:44

So sorry you're having such a rough time OP - sounds like a really tough situation. Try to remember that this is temporary - you will not feel like this forever. As you say, life used to look very different for you and it can look like that again.

As you know yourself, so many of these negative thoughts and feelings you're having don’t reflect the truth or what you really want for yourself - feelings of suicidal ideation and SH are your brain's misguided way of trying to help you cope (strange though that may be). Try to remind yourself that these thoughts and behaviours do not define you, acknowledge them and let them pass you by.

As PP said are there any other resources that you could be drawing upon to support you? Please do try to keep up with the CBT; do you think you could talk to your GP about adjusting your medications? There may be a combination that would work better for you.

I'm not a MH professional and I'm sure you know all this stuff already, so apologies if not that helpful. But just remember people are here for you and things will get better if you keep persevering.

Xx

theurbanpigeon · 03/08/2024 19:13

Hope you're doing ok this weekend OP xxx

anonymous98 · 04/08/2024 14:19

Thank you everyone. I am okay. Just feel really "blank" today and despondent about everything.

I am currently on OCD meds which have mostly just made me feel tired-er and more stupid/forgetful. I also feel as if everyone has forgotten me because I've been so isolated and there's been some ghosting/me not really knowing how to have conversations with people because I have nothing to say.

OP posts:
theurbanpigeon · 06/08/2024 22:46

Glad you're ok - sorry for the slow reply.

Though I'm sure people haven't forgotten you, people do tend to get distracted by their own lives - doesn't mean they don’t care though! If there are any people or old friends who you think it might be helpful to contact, I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you. Even if it's just a "hi how are you doing" or something? Are there any old hobbies / interests / books / films etc that you could resurrect. Sorry I'm sure this all sounds like very noddy stuff. But just hope you know there are people all around who care for you and that there is value in you just being here. X

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