I wish I'd had a nervous breakdown sooner rather than later.

[Aprilsinparis]

I wasn't a very nice person before my breakdown.
It would take too long to list my faults.
The way I treated people was appalling, talking about them behind their backs, even saying nasty things to their face.
I had a breakdown a few years ago, since then I am a much better person, it's like I've been given somebody else's character.
If it's any consolation to those I've hurt, since my breakdown, my husband has been extremely verbally abusive, my mental health is worse than it's ever been.
I tried to commit suicide, Christmas 23 and ended up in hospital.
My husband phoned me to tell me, if I wasn't out of hospital by the Saturday, he wouldn't be able to pick me up, as he was spending a few days with his brother.
I've developed agoraphobia, cut myself off from everybody, which has given my husband carte blanche to ramp up the abuse.
I just want to say, I'm so sorry for my past bad behaviour,
and just hope people have forgotten about me, rather than forgive me.

You can't change the past but you can build a more positive future.

Wanting people to have forgotten about you is ringing alarm bells for me.

Could you call your local community mental health team if you're feeling that way, be open with them about your relationship.

Ask for and be open to receiving help even if that's hard 💐

Thank you for your concern.
I think I just wanted to say sorry to all the people, I haven't treated very well, not wanting to name names, and let them know, I am getting my comeuppance.
It might make them feel better.

Mate, you don't deserve a comeuppance.

The fact that you think that you do is what worries me.

Please reach out to someone because regardless of what you might have done you deserve yo be happy and building positive relationships.

That was then, this is now. Your horrible husband is in the now and will prevent your recovery. Ask for more help from the medical professionals who have helped you before and seek help from Womens Aid. That man won't help you.

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental health and Domestic Violence pages.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

If I heard someone who'd been a total bitch to me had had a nervous breakdown and been a much nicer person since I'd probably assume the meanness was the pending breakdown rather than them. You night be surprised by how many people are willing to give you a second chance.

And dump the husband. Marriage is for better or worse, not for better and when convenient.

Thank you for all replies, I really thought you were going to say, what goes around comes around.
I am so worn down, I really don't have the energy to do anything about it.
I am just glad, that whatever happens, I like myself now more than I've ever done.
I just wish I had my life to live all over again, and live it with the satisfaction of knowing, I left people with good thoughts rather than bad.

Many people wish they could go back and do things differently op. Truth is we have to look forward. Dont put up with abuse you deserve better. I can relate to you with past mistakes and breakdowns x