Things my mother said

[notnorman]

As I get older I am becoming more and more upset about things said to me when I was a child. They keep 'coming into my head'.

Today it is my mother telling my father to make sure he only hits me in places where others can't see it.

This isn't normal is it. I'm so hurt for the little girl I was.

No it's not normal. I sympathise because I have similar to you. Have you tried therapy? I had therapy for a number of years.

Thank you for your reply.
I had therapy for years in my 20s/30s after I became suicidal. I've been 'okay' for 15 years, now it's just started bubbling back up again.
Is this a thing?!
It's affecting my relationship with them as it's all I can think of (plenty more examples of this sort of thing in my head) xx

I was sort of Ok with my parents until I got into my 40s and suddenly the scales fell from my eyes and I began to see how awful both parents had been. It's a horrible feeling isn't it? I'm sorry I don't really know how to stop the flashbacks. I know it sounds dramatic but I did wonder if I had PTSD from my childhood, it's so difficult to tell isn't it? I guess someone will be along soon with more practical advice. I didn't want you to think you're alone with it, though.

I have an awful relationship with my parents due to a number of reasons but mainly my mother making cruel comments and a lack of interest in anything except herself. Her temper and rages, mocking and drama. It ramped up and I opened my eyes when I became a mother myself and now I cannot understand why she treated me like that - I was always as good person and compliant but not anymore.

It’s not normal. It’s abuse. Physical distance is good. And not involving them in your life.

I have stuff come up all the time about my father and things he has said to me. It's like I can't stop them from popping in so i sympathise with how difficult it is. Just constant criticisms and Shaming. Very very hard to block out but working on it through therapy!

Also really ramped up when I had my children also....made me feel very sad for younger me

I went NC with my parents 3 months ago. It’s hard but the best thing I ever did. Years of undermining nasty behaviour and being the scapegoat.

😳 not normal, I'm so sorry to hear you and others have gone through this, it's disgraceful. The best thing you can do is make your life yours, and fuck them and their abusive behaviours

It's great that you've talked to a therapist in the past - so maybe you'll see that it's the route to go again. It definitely seems that you would benefit by talking this out to a therapist/counselor.

Good luck.

What your dm said was awful but your father hitting you is even worse. Was he always abusive?

I disagree Happiest. Her mother supported the physical abuse, was complicit & helped her father hide it. It’s calculating, cold abuse - she was no better than him.

That's awful OP.
But yes, like you and others, I'm reflecting on and getting more angry about my childhood as I get older. I think when I was younger I had completely compartmentalised it away. It still is now, but just seems to pop in to my thoughts more often, and when I was younger, I think I was conditioned into finding/accepting excuses for their behaviour, whereas now, I can see there are NO excuses.

No, it’s definitely not normal OP.

It’s only since I’ve had children that I realise how negatively my childhood has impacted my life. I don’t think my realisation is enough. I need to talk it out loud and have someone help me work through it so will look into therapy.