I've posted on this sub-forum a few times before about my sister and our family's struggle with her psychosis. Unfortunately, I can't access my old account anymore as I don't have access to the email address for password recovery, so I'm starting fresh here to seek support and a place to vent.
My sister is profoundly deaf but had speech therapy as a child, so she can speak, though not clearly.
Since 2012, we've noticed a decline in her mental health. Initially, she would whisper to herself in another room, stopping whenever we checked on her. This went on for years, but around 2016, the whispers turned into louder, indistinct noises with 'someone' in the house, and it's been like this ever since.
These episodes occur almost daily now, and it's traumatising for me. The noises are awful and loud. She doesn’t have actual conversations, but when you observe her, she's clearly angry, pointing her finger, and making noises as if arguing with someone we can't see. These episodes can happen any time of the day, mostly in the mornings and evenings. Occasionally, she might have a day or two with very few or no episodes.
She seems to have issues with everyone in our family and extended family. For example, she might wake up and argue with a cousin the entire day, then the next day, she'll have a problem with an uncle. During her episodes, she names them, so we think she sees them in her mind and argues with them, but in her eyes, everyone is bad.
Her psychosis is confusing for us and her social workers and mental health team who monitor her. She can't express herself well, even with BSL interpreters. She can only stay focused for a short time before getting distracted. In meetings, she might be asked questions like "How do you feel?" or "Have you been hearing anything this week?" but she'll lose focus and ask something unrelated like "Do you like drinking tea?" or "I like to bake cakes."
Living with her is very hard. As I mentioned, I'm traumatised by the noises, which sometimes make me lash out at her. I often sit in my room with noise-cancelling headphones, listening to music or watching movies to block her out. I even sleep with them on, using sleep sounds, just in case she wakes up before me and makes her noises. I work from home and don't have an office to escape to. Occasionally, I stay with my brother and his family for a break.
I feel sorry for my parents, who endure her more often than I do as they're with her most of the day. They're elderly and also her caregivers. Our Middle Eastern background means there's no way they'd let her go into assisted living, even though her health and vision are deteriorating, making care much harder.
When I look at my sister, I see the person she used to be—bright, lovely, and full of life. But since 2012, she has changed into someone I wish would just go away. I feel awful for thinking this, but she has drained me mentally, and I hate that we have to live like this because of her. I try to tell myself as much as I can that I'm not the only person in a situation like this and that someone else might be going through something similar, but I really do feel all alone in this situation.
I just need to write this and get it off my chest. I don't know what helps because nothing truly does, or maybe I just haven't found it yet. I go out shopping, sit in a park and read books, and do whatever I can to take myself away from her, but ultimately, I feel like she's destroyed my mental health too.