Bare with me here... I don't know where else to turn without feeling like the worst mother on the planet.
I had my LB 10months ago after IVF so very, very wanted pregnancy, was delighted, couldn't wait to meet the baby etc etc. There were birth complications and I had to be asleep when he was delivered via c section then was in incubator most of that night. I got to do skin to skin but I can't remember it, it all feels like a blur. I also breastfed for 24hrs but then ended up with a post partum haemorrhage so back to theatre and asleep again while LB stayed with my husband, he took a bottle or 2 during this time and i was so exhausted i just kept bottle feeding. I know I love him but I just don't feel this 'I would kill for him' love and its beginning to worry me. I look after him and do things with him to the best of my abilities but I feel guilty to say anytime my mum/MIL offers to keep him (he's stayed overnight with each about 4 times) I'm nearly delighted at the thought of some peace, I do worry about him but.more about how he's slept etc so I know what form he'll be in when I get him again. He is the loveliest little character and full of fun and mischief but I'm just worried this isn't normal?! I do take Sertraline which I've been on before he was born. My husband says it's just tiredness but I don't know... its like there's a wall up that I can't get over to get the rush of love for him and it makes me feel awful when I think about it. I know I love wee things he does and it's not that I don't like him but it's just I don't feel how I imagine a mother is meant to towards their child?!
Thanks for reading so far, I'd love to know if anyone else has any experience of this please?