Assault in childhood

[Notmefornow1]

I can't find the right topic to post in. Plus I have had too much to drink. Plus I am a ridiculously long standing MNer and d have name changed because.

I was assaulted by my doctor - I think family GP but could have been a locum. I was aged about 9-12.

I presented with a sore tummy. He investigated and then sent my mum to wait outside. He then did some sort of internal examination which traumatised me badly. I cried immediately and complained to my mum who said there must have been a reason for him to do this. At the time I thought it was poking his hand or an instrument up up my bottom. However I'm now 43 and for the last maybe 5 years it's suddenly hit me what it may have been.

I'm struggling with this.. any advice appreciated. I have googled the place I grew up and doctor and sexual assault to no avail - I don't really know what else I can do.

I just remember the feeling of something being shoved forcibly inside me and crying out. And being reassured but not believing it was ok. And then afterwards telling my mum and her saying it must have been because my stomach was sore the doc had to feel from there.

I can't actually believe I'm writing this. But I've name changed so feel safe. It's horrendous. But true.

I am sorry that you had to go through this and that it is still impacting you now .

Hopefully someone with medical knowledge will be able to respond and help you . If indeed there was any legitimate reason for this rather than as you rightly suspect likely abusive behaviour on the part of the doctor .
The only thing I could think of is a pessary but I am not sure why that would be needed and it doesn't describe the pain that you suffered . It is also concerning that the Dr asked your Mum to leave the room , as there doesn't seem to be any good reason for this .

Did you speak to your Mum about it when you were older or is there anyone else that you could confide it that may have suffered a similar ordeal ?

Is there anything recently that has triggered your memory of this or is it just a growing awareness of what may have happened to you ?

I think it would be helpful for you to be able to talk this over with someone in confidence and there may be local charities or indeed national charities e.g the NSPCC , rape crisis who will be experienced in historic childhood sexual abuse and be able to support you or signpost you elsewhere.

On a practical note I wonder if you could obtain a copy of your own medical records and check if there are any notes relating to this appointment . I am not sure how far back these can go and if successful you may be able to identify a particular Doctor .
I hope you are able to get some practical help & answers .

Im so sorry. I would suggest contacting a charity for survivors of abuse. You will be able to get your medical records but it might be helpful to have some support first.

Me again… resurrecting this as it’s resurfaced in my head and I’m really quite sure it was dodgy. I knew it was dodgy then. I can out crying to my mum and she was saying it was fine and that it must have been for a reason but I wasn’t reassured, I knew it was wrong and it’s taken til now to believe myself that it definitely wasn’t right. I now have a daughter this age and would never ever leave her alone for any kind of study by a doctor, I know it was different back then and I don’t blame my mum but I also… I am drunk again hence posting triggering stuff for me but I just don’t know what to do to resolve this in my head. Being mid forties now, he would have been 30+ years older than me and will probably be retired if not dead, but how do I go about doing anything. I have the nhs app but it only goes back to 2009ish, doesn’t show anything from my early 20s or teens or childhood, except randomly my broken wrist aged 9. I moved around a lot but all in the UK.

I have tried googling abuse by GP and literally nothing comes up except support HCps can give to survivors of abuse. I get that it’s vanishingly rare but I know eg rape victims aren’t believed, this being childhood stuff from over 30 years ago is going to be seen as complete fantasy!

Sigh… I think probably there’s nothing can actually be done to track down or prove anything. So what’s the point. For many other reasons my trust in men has vanished anyway, many other situations into adulthood have shown me who men are! But it’s a niggle and one that feels like it should have something sorted

Could you calp the surgery a dask them to check the records, find out what Dr it was the n find out of he's still alive

So d

sorry this happened to you
I fully believe you

I'm sorry your mum wasn't strong enough to fo the right thing

You may well be right that there's no way of identifying him now. But that doesn't mean anyone would see it as fantasy. Sadly it's all too common. Sending supportive thoughts your way.

If you are now at a completely different practice I would go and see your GP with asking for a chaperone and explain what happened and that you are seeking all your medical notes to find if there is a record.

I would also report it to the police. Yes it might be he is retired or dead but you are a survivor. I am so sorry this man did this to you, a vulnerable, ill child and sent your mother out deliberately to do it. I’m sorry your mother made excuses for it or blamed you. You are a survivor, you are not to blame.

I experienced a groping by a GP aged 16. Went to see him aged 17 with a sore throat and he asked me if I checked my breasts for lumps and then told me to remove my top and groped me repeatedly. I don’t remember telling anyone. I remembered not questioning him and being embarrassed and ashamed. He died in about 2008. He delivered me at a child. It is abuse.

I'm not saying your wrong to feel upset about this, especially give your age at the time but it used to be that they would do an internal exam to help diagnose appendicitis.

I think the most helpful thing would be to ask to see your medical records. It should have on there the reason for the exam. If it doesn't then I would be looking at pursuing a charge for the violation.

I think it would be helpful to contact a charity with a helpline specialising in survivors of CSA for a start, and to have some specialist therapy. And think about your options in terms of reporting. I’m sorry this happened, OP. I was also abused when I was ten, and I’m only dealing with it now in therapy in my 50s. The man in question will be long dead, but the abuse was enabled by an organisation and a hospital, and I’m planning to report to the police. I’m probably not the only one.

Mig if it was legit, why make the mum leave ?

So this happened late 80s/early 90s? I qualified in the late 90s, so would have been at medical school about from the later end of this range. It is true that per rectum examination was more commonly used in that era, especially if appendicitis was suspected. And well into the 90s junior doctors were castigated if they hadn't done a PR on adult patients presenting with abdo pain, and surgeons were (somewhat arrogantly) refusing referrals from GPs if they hadn't done one. Though the practice started waning in children first, and was becoming rarer by the mid 90s.

Having said that, if this was a legitimate PR examination I would still, even in that era, have expected the doctor to 1)explain what was going to happen and get verbal agreement, 2)kept your mum in the room as both chaperone and moral support.

So I would say that at best, if this was a PR examination, then it was not done well. If it was a PV examination, then I would not have expected it to be performed at all, and I would have thought it was highly likely to be dodgy. I realise that having been a child at the time, and the time elapsed, you may well not have a clear recollection of which it was.

Either way it is clearly having an unpleasant effect upon you even these many years later, and that matters. I would agree that you might find it useful to talk it through with someone experienced in CSA, to try to process what happened, and how you feel about what happened, and how you want to move forward from here.

Best wishes.