Depersonalisation

[Lockdownbaby2021]

Hello.

I’m not sure if I am suffering with the above or not. But since I turned 18 (I’m now 28) I feel like I cannot remember my life!

i can’t remember my childhood, even though i had a very good one. Recently I can go somewhere and can’t beleive I was actually there.some examples are that I’ve just come back from holiday and it all doesn’t seem real. I’ve had 2 babies and the whole thing doesn’t seem real.

im constantly tired and feel lethargic (no health issues my docs can find with bloods etc). I go outside and my eyes hurt, everything seems so bright.
At events I can be stood in a room of people and feel secluded like nobody knows me or that I’m invisible and I don’t know how to talk to people.

With two young children (5m and 3yrs) I feel the last few years in particular have been the worse for depersonalisation.

I don’t think I’m depressed however I do suffer with anxiety.

has anyone else got this? Any tips on how I can manage this without medication?

Sounds like dissociation and dissociative amnesia re your childhood. It usually stems from some kind of trauma. There are techniques that can help as well as meditation and mindfulness.

You can try grounding yourself by splashing water on your face, holding an ice cube or walking barefoot. You can also tune into sounds and smells.

You can journal which can help you keep track of your memory. You can try visualisation such as imagining yourself surrounded by a protective light or inside a safe space. You could also keep a box of items such as stones or crystals and items if different textures to help you focus on sensations and remain in the present.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this.

Whilst not exactly the same, I experienced feelings of unreality for years. It would just come on all of a sudden and nothing felt real. It was awful.

When I went to my gp he said was linked to anxiety. It’s like my anxiety got to such a point that my body was going into ‘safe mode’. Similar to what happens when people are in a car crash or a some sort of traumatic event. Nothing feels real.

I had CBT and it massively helped, I haven’t experienced it for years now.

I can’t really comment on the issue with your childhood not feeling real because what inexperienced was always in the moment.

However, I genuinely thought I was going insane and I want to reassure you that whilst it may feel like you’re alone in this, you aren’t.

Thanks both. I think the not remembering my childhood was a little extreme. I can’t explain it, nothing traumatic happened that I know of. But I can’t remember certain events, e.g big family holidays, family members who aren’t here anymore, school. It’s all very hazy.

I think this is it, I get really bad anxiety and I definitely think this has been heightened since having my children and worrying about them all the time.

I think I do need to ground myself more. I’m always on autopilot I never stop to listen or look at things. I’m very tunnel visioned. My partner also calls me a negative Nancy as I can never be positive as I’m always worrying!

I don’t get feelings of sadness though, or hate myself etc. it’s just not recognising myself and events.

When you say no issues have been found, do you have the results of blood tests or have they just said everything is in range? Because in range and optimal are not necessarily the same and from what I've heard some deficiencies can make depersonalisation worse. Either way I hope you get to the root of the problem and feel better.

@DrCoconut I have the results of a full blood count.

At first I thought I could be anemic as I’ve been having other symptoms such as unintentional weight loss, dizzy spells etc.

my serum ferritin was 12 ng/ml and the range is 10-180 and they classed this normal despite me thinking it was on the lower side.

Thyroid completely normal.

this is why I’m wondering if it’s all just me and my head.