Talking to people about depression who have no experience of it

[Shesellsseashellsontheseasure]

I'm currently signed off with depression. It's exaccurated my anxiety and I'm having a really hard time with it. I've had to cancel/ amend plans with friends/ family and this had led to me explaining why. However I've had 2 people who just say the wrong things when I tell them. I've been told to 'do things that make me happy' and 'stop wallowing '.

I find it hard to explain depression , has anyone got any suggestions of how to do this? Part of me would love to just tell them to f off tbh, but in just avoiding them for now.

Thanks

No suggestions, I'm afraid, but I hope I can offer a hand-hold. I had a partner who was hospitalised, and a good friend (we thought) said to them 'why can't you just think of something nice'? The depth of ignorance can be amazing. I did tell them once we were away from the hospital.

@SeeSeeRider oh my gosh how awful! Maybe we need a list of 101 things not to say rather than trying to help people understand. I hope your partner is ok

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

I had PND and my best friend could never understand how I couldn't be happy having just had my beautiful first baby.

To be honest, though it's really tempting to try and explain/tell them to fuck off, it will do no good as they still won't get it.

Your illness is completely valid, Just focus on you and (silently) fuck'em

Sorry should have added, there are plenty of people who absolutely do 'get it'. Seek comfort and support from those people.

@LashingsOfLemonCurd thank you, they are very wise words. I'm sorry your best friend didn't understand

Some people just don't know what to say. Either because they have no experience in depression, or they are awkward in some ways and find it hard to express things themselves.

No one should be giving you advice anyway unless you have asked for it.

I still remember the shame and stigma surrounding MH issues in the 1990s. The situation is so much better these days but still room for improvement.

Not me but my daughter, so I get a lot of 'helpful advice'. I usually just say "yeah it doesn't work like that". That usually works. If they push, I'll explain that "depression is an illness, it's not just a bit of sadness". The words "chemical imbalance" usually shuts people up too.

"That's like telling an asthmatic to just breathe."

"If I'd broken my ankle, would you tell me stop limping?"

Yes, I did get a bit impatient 😂 I enjoyed these from Danny Baker, who's even more impatient than me:

But you don’t look like you have a mental illness.
“That’s because I’m disguised as a human being today.”

It’s all in your head.
“As opposed to where? Up my ass?”

You can’t be depressed—there are so many people worse off than you!
“Well then you can’t be happy, because there are so many people better off than you.”

Hope you'll start to feel better soon, OP

To be honest I think people will never really understand until or unless they suffer with it themselves . Then you just get it and have so much empathy for people who have also gone through hell.

I try to focus on the fact that them not getting it is a positive thing as they have escaped one of the worst illnesses there is. If you needed to say anything to stop the comments I’d maybe say ‘I know you mean well but you clearly have never experienced depression yourself, and I’m glad for you’.

I've found that using analogies or comparisons to physical illnesses, like describing depression as a heavy weight or a persistent fog, can help others understand its impact better than just words alone.

They're trying to help but they just don't get it. I don't think you CAN get it until you've experienced it. It's good in a way, I wouldn't wish it on them and I'm kind of glad that they've never had to go through it.

Perhaps describe it as you feel like your soul has left your body. You find no joy, comfort or happiness in anything. You don’t do anything you used to enjoy, not because you can’t but because it’s like a paralysis of life. You no longer recognise yourself, you just lay there for hours staring at the wall, longing to get up and be productive but the invisible chain of dispair and sadness keeps you in one place, empty inside and sad. It’s suffocating and lonely.

p.s been there and got better… so will you xx