I could never “get over” my ex, whatever that means. even though they were dishonest bully in loads of little ways. Not much in common, we used to enjoy spending time together but that is a distant memory now. It feels strange that we were once in bed together and lovers now we are enemies. It started with little comments and got worse, they were looking for reactions out of me. I could see what they were doing and the impact it was having on my mental health so that’s not the issue I was always trying to be “good enough” for them. The more they hurt or rejected me the more I felt the need to “prove” myself. I have felt like I owe them something and if I don’t keep trying I haven’t done my part. I then spent almost a year trying to reconcile with them, desperate to “keep them” even though they were responsible for the breakdown of the relationship and couldn’t care less about me which they showed through actions but they even told me so. I went above and beyond to be thoughtful and loving when in theory know I didn’t owe them anything, but not in practice. I don’t want to be told what a bad person he is I already know that and it hasn’t made a difference to stopping my behaviour of trying to get them back. I want to break this cycle but I don’t know why I do it. I feel like I miss them if I go too long without speaking to them I have to keep creating accounts because they block me