I feel like I'm drowning and I don't want to. Hard hold please

[Frostyafternoon]

Just coming to the end of a divorce from a 23 year abusive marriage. Lots of counselling and GP support, I've been to hell and back and I don't want to go to that dark place again.

Over the next 7 weeks:

Sale of family home, should exchange this week, complete end of August. I'm downsizing with my older teens.

Ex doing fuck all. House is still full of his stuff. He knows it needs to be collected and I'm being firm. But that means interacting with him which triggers me every time.

I have to arrange the actual move. I am a lawyer, so I'm more involved than most, as we're doing the conveyancing.

Work overwhelming. I am a partner and my Co partner has been taken seriously unwell. So I've got my usual bonkers caseload, and also the actual firm to manage.

Youngest has two massive school trips over next 3 weeks, booked before the divorce. I ended up paying most of the cost. I'm still trying to get the lists together. He's also feeling quite overwhelmed because of the trips and the house move, off the back of the divorce.

I'm ill. Had a virus, triggered my asthma. I'm really lightheaded and I need to rest, but I can't because of the above.

My mum is becoming increasingly needy. I can share with my brother, but there is stuff I do and I can't change this.

New house needs a lot of work, so I have to buy a bathroom etc urgently.

Normally all of this is within my capabilities, but it's all come at once. I'm on the edge of panic and I'm not sleeping.

I know I have to break it down into bits, but I'm terrified I'll forget to do something.

I suffered from CPTSD after the marriage which is clearing but I am still very raw. Everyone thinks I have coped and need to keep moving forward. Even my counsellor. But the panic is real today.

Firm handhold from me here. I really feel for you - when it rains, it pours, eh? You have a LOT going on, but none of it is insurmountable and you are so capable.

If it's all too much today, take the day off. I know it's hard, but in the here-and-now, you need to be physically well. Then make a list of what needs to be done now, this week, this month and this year. Also, are there any tasks you could delegate/work with someone else on, even if only a temporary measure?

Congratulations on leaving your abusive marriage. It sounds tough right now, but have faith that in a year's time you'll look back and see just how far you've come and how much of the right decision it was. Good luck OP.

Good advice above. Re the ex; one message to collect stuff by X date otherwise you will assume it’s unwanted and will go in a skip.

Is there a functioning bathroom in the new house? Doesn’t need to be much - a loo and a shower will suffice.

Re work - the firm will need to pass work to others for now. Hurts but needs must.

You are nearly there. Celebrate the progress you've already made.

If I were in your shoes I would get my daughter set up and away on the trip and do the minimum in work to keep it ticking over.

The other stuff in the new house and older parents had to wait. It's not ideal but if you are too ill to function then your children will suffer.

Your head will free up when the house is sold. If it helps him move out, box stuff for him and put it by the front door to collect. It would annoy me but the goal is that this is over asap so your life improves.

Thank you, I do feel a bit calmer now. I also know that I have a tendency to keep coping until I actually collapse, and then still cope (hence putting up with my marriage for so long - gp said, if I'd stayed, it would eventually have killed me because i kept getting so ill).

I have kind of allocated a time in my head for each job.

Today, I need to help dc pack, so I can tick that off my list. Plan is to pack for both trips, so I don't have to think about anything other than the passport and drop off time.

It's the nights, isn't it? Last night, I went to bed and just sobbed for 3 hours because it's all just not fair, and I'm so scared I'll drop something.

OP I'm so sorry. That's such a lot all at once.

Day at a time, hour at time. Resting whenever you can is as good as sleep. Drink plenty water. Ask for help from as many people as you are able to.

You will get through it, one thing at a time.

You are away from a toxic relationship and environment. So take a breath, you've already done the really tough bits and this is now just dotting the i's and crossing the t's. You know he's going to be a twat, so don't expect anything less. I'd stop contact as it's too much and just let him get on with it. If he doesn't empty it, leave it. It's not your job to organise him. We're all guilty of taking too much on our shoulders then buckling under the weight and expecting others to notice. When they don't/won't.

Can you ask for support at work? We all have limits of what we can deal with.

The sobbing is your release valve. It's healing.

Handholds and hugs. Let yourself breathe. You are doing amazingly well.

You certainly don't need to interact with exh, one message. Get your stuff out by X date or it will be considered that you no longer want it and it will be discarded. He has had plenty of time you are under no obligation to keep it. You haven't prevented him collecting it.

Ticking off your son's trip first is a good plan, it's a finite task and manageable.

Ask your brother to help more, maybe even with the new house not just mum. Functional toilet and shower is all you need to start with though, it can wait until you have less to deal with.

Write down your allocated times and what you've already achieved, and a recheck time just in case one of those balls rolls a little. Your head will thank you for that too, might help your son feel a little less overwhelmed as well if he can see the progress bar. 💐