I think I am depressed but I don’t want to accept it

[vxiy]

Recently it feels like everything in my life is going wrong. I have always been overweight and last year I lost 10kg and started the gym and was feeling great but recently after constant comments from others about my weight loss it’s making me anxious about how I am perceived, the last 6 months I have slowly lost interest in everything and don’t know who I am anymore. I have no attention span, disordered eating and I despise myself. All I do is binge eat and cry. I don’t enjoy anything anymore and I feel so stuck. I’m just sick of fighting with myself everyday. I see a therapist, I exercise, my house is tidy, I look after my children, I do everything right and I’m still wrong. A friend suggested I was depressed and I went to the doctor and I got given citalopram but I took it for a few days and stopped. I don’t want to be depressed, I don’t want to take medication forever. I just want to be normal and happy and everyday it’s just getting worse. I don’t know what to do I feel like I am crazy sometimes because I am so overwhelmed with how I feel.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this. Can I ask why you stopped taking the tablets? They do help. I’ve been on them for years, I’ve occasionally tried to stop but it’s not been great so I’ve accepted I’m on them for a while.

When to get in a position like this it can be very hard to motivate yourself to do the things that will help - good healthy food, exercise etc. The tablets can help pull you out of the funk and give you space to put other support in place. They don’t have to be long term.

I hear you. Best to take the tablets for 6-8 weeks and then reassess. They can just help give you that space and distance to work out what’s going on for you without the emotions taking over. Give them a chance.

Then if they work, great. There’s no shame in depression albeit it is hard to accept, I know.

Are you of perimenopause age? Of course if you are, then that could also be it / textbook symptoms.

Good luck. Accept the help, it has helped me so much

They made me really drowsy, and I didn’t really want to take them in the first place tbh. I have quit vaping too a few months ano and I think taking away that coping mechanism has triggered my binge eating too. It’s just so hard when I feel like I’m trying to do everything the right way and it’s all going wrong

I’m only 33, I’ve tried a lot of things to be healthier and I feel like I’m constantly self sabotaging myself and I don’t know why

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Can you go back to the doctor's and ask to try different antidepressants? I'm on my second type in 2 months as the first ones didn't work for me.

It's really hard to do anything when you feel this way so the fact you even went to the doc in the first place is a really good step

Oh I get that too and still do it :(

Would you consider changing therapists? There will be a root cause

@vxiy “but recently after constant comments from others about my weight loss it’s making me anxious about how I am perceived”

this really jumped out at me and was almost the first thing you wrote in your post. Have the comments triggered a bunch of stuff?

It’s incredibly impressive to give up vaping and to lose weight and go to the gym etc.

From what you’ve written I am wondering if other people’s input is a big factor in how you’re feeling.

No one WANTS to be depressed. Unfortunately it still happens.

I guess if whatever you've tried so far isn't improving things then it's time to help yourself and take the medication and give it a real shot.

Yes I think alot of it is trauma from the past and weight loss and stopping vaping has triggered my binge eating but I feel so out of control with it that I have some disordered eating patterns to try to stop it but I’m still gaining weight and it’s just making me feel even more down about myself x

I hate the side effects, I feel like personally I’m failing if I have to take medication. I don’t feel this way about others only myself