Can self harm be addictive?

[Mumof381]

I think it may be for me.

I'm a middle aged, peri menopausal mum of 3. I can't stop cutting. It's getting worse, not better. I've caused such a lot of scarring that I'm constantly hiding my skin and being mindful of what I wear.

The only time I don't feel the need to cut is when I'm already in pain from previous injuries.

I'm on antidepressants, have been for 6 years. I'd really love to get this under control, but I've no clue how to.

Have you told the person who prescribed the pills about the self harm? It seems to have become your coping strategy. It’s not a healthy one though is it? You could do with help to find a better one.

Recently told my GP, that was so hard. He didn't seem concerned at all. Didn't even ask to see the injuries or try to understand why I do it. Nothing changed, no onward referrals. I have PMI.

It's a negative coping technique. The pain is like a distraction, if that makes any sense.

I've cut myself up so badly that I'll be shocked if I don't pick up an infection soon. I'm bleeding and have open wounds.

That makes complete and utter sense. Could you see a GP specifically over your concerns about this issue? A different one if necessary.

You need to be referred to your local mental health team. Your doctor is an idiot. Can you self refer at all on your area? I've been exactly where you are, just at a younger age and I completely understand why you are doing it. But you really need to speak to a professional because obviously it's not good for you or your children. Please check out local services

ADs wont fix this.. you have a maladaptive coping mechanism.
You need help with swapping it for something else (rather than just stopping it all together.. for now, it is what helps you cope).
It is addictive, as your body realises chemicals to help with the pain whenever you hurt yourself.
I have been there (and am still there).
Insist on more input from your GP. If you want to beat this, you need more specialised help.

Thank you all for your replies, they're so helpful. Thank you also for being supportive, this isn't easy to talk about.

Do you know what type of practitioner would be best to help with this? I'm reluctant to go back to my GP.

Also, what kind of behaviours or habits can I try to swap this for? I've no idea where to begin.

Hi OP, don’t bother about the NHS as you have PMI. The NHS MH service is so broken that the threshold for getting any help from there is so high.
Have a look at the terms of your PMI and see what MH cover is included. You will probably have access to counselling and psychiatric care so they will be able to find you specialist help. Good luck x

It can definitely be an addiction, to the point some people report physical symptoms when they feel the need, itchiness, throbbing etc. which makes it even harder to resist as these symptoms give extra need for "release".

If your cuts ever cause you concern (too deep,too much bleeding etc) go to A&E , they won't judge and are used to it. They will clean the wound and give you stitches if needed.

If you have PMI , look and see what they cover for MH conditions.

Have a look at the Mind website, they have a section for self harm and offer different coping mechanisms.

What you can try is keeping your mind/hands busy , for example a jigsaw and a podcast/music/tv show in the background or reading a book you're really into and keep postponing the cutting one more chapter/one more episode/ I'll finish this area of the puzzle first etc. and then distract yourself with something else. It might at least reduce the frequency.

Another thing would be something like rubber bands around your wrist that you snap when you feel the need to cut. You still get the pain input , but less dangerous. Same with ice cubes.

Best of luck.

Quick update. I've had a rough few days so I spoke with a GP on Monday about self harm and how it's an issue at the moment. I've been referred to see a psychiatrist. Even privately this'll take a few months. I know how fortunate I am.

The GP has mentioned something on the referral about EUPD. I had to Google it, but having struggled all my adult life, the high functioning version of this describes me perfectly. I guess I'll wait and see what the psychiatrist says. I'm still in two minds, but rationally l know I'd be mad not to go through with the referral.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've had about 3 months of therapy and it made me worse. I struggle to talk about the big things without feeling really guilty that other people involved will find out. I was constantly asking reassurance from the practitioner. It was exhausting.

I keep giving myself chances to sort it out, then if i can't I'll make an appointment. I've given myself one more chance, daft as it sounds.

I don't want a diagnosis, just to function reasonably normally and use better coping techniques when times are hard.

I can't cope this evening. I've done so well too recently. I'll try again tomorrow but today's a write off in terms of not cutting.

I just need to handle things better. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm frustrated with myself. I wanted to fix this without help, but it's clearly too much. I'd done pretty well, too. It's been a fair few days. Never mind. Thanks for all your support 👍

Check out if there is anywhere you can access DBT ot DBT informed therapy, or any therapy. There are self help books that looked at DBT. This is a form of therapy developed to address eupd issues.

OP have you seen a psychiatrist and had a diagnosis? The GP mentioned borderline and the treatment for that is DBT.

Yes self harm can be addictive. Try Harmless it's a self harm organisation who you can call for advice. There's also Borderline Support UK who can give you more info on borderline.

I don't know your background but BPD is often associated with trauma. You can look out for trauma therapy and speak to your GP see if they know any organisations or can refer you for trauma therapy.

In the meantime try and learn some distraction techniques to try and reduce the self harm. Look into mindfulness, meditation, try an app, see if that helps. You can also contact Mind or Rethink for further help and advice.

Techniques suggested to me have been to try to delay and see if feeling goes (have let to try this out) and also to write feelings/what I am thinking. I have done this a couple of times in the last week and it has stopped me. I have disposed of the paper afterwards.

Unfortunately I did fail yesterday as feelings at the time were too intense. Today is a new day.

Thanks for the advice @ByZippyDog and @cupcaske123

Sorry you've had a rough time too, Zippy. I hope today is better.

I've only ever been diagnosed with depression by the GP.

I do have some trauma in my past. I've had counselling for this, but it's still an issue.

I'll look into all the suggestions you've made.

I hope your okay OP, mental health really is the devil 😔 I hope you manage to find some peace from it soon. If your really struggling and self harming I wouldn't even bother with the GP and go right up to A&E xx

Update. I mentioned up-thread that I've been referred to a psychiatrist privately. It's been an absolute waste of time. Most aren't taking on new patients and the one that I found that is won't see me because it's a 3 month wait, and they said it'd be unethical to make me wait that long.

So I'm back where I was, trying to fix myself.

The private GP told me to ask the NHS to refer me to the community mental health team. I can't do that. I work full time and none of my family know I self-harm. I've visions of them just turning up on my doorstep.

What a mess 🙁

Get referred to the community health team. They don't turn up, you have an initial assessment and they gave a team of people to support you. You can meet them away from the house. You need a diagnosis and treatment.

It can definitely be addictive, I self harmed for 10 years. It may be a stupid suggestion but what stopped me was a big change in life. It shook up my usual routines that SH and negative thoughts had become ingrained in and one day I just stopped. No therapy had helped, ADs didn’t stop it, GPs were useless, this was the only thing that did it. Is there something you can change, like new job, house, new hobby, even a big holiday to plan and focus on?

@Overthebow I'm glad that worked for you. I wish I had the motivation for a big change. I could do with a hobby, I don't do anything for myself, but realistically, I don't have much time at the moment and no idea what I like.

I've self harmed for twenty years now so completely understand the hold it has. Be proud of going to your GP this is an incredibly difficult thing to share and has such a linked amount of shame/embarrassment to it. I'm sorry you received such a shit response from them.

In terms of coping mechanisms I personally found free writing in diaries the most useful but have drawn on my body, only squigles/patterns but sometimes it's a distraction which can both focus the mind whilst letting any negative emotions out.

Please don't give up, this isn't the life you deserve to live. If ignored, it only gets worse, not better so please keep pushing for help no matter how difficult. Sending you thoughts tonight ❤️

So it's unethical to make you wait 3 months but completely ethical to not see you at all? What absolute bullshit OP.

Could you wait a few weeks, contact the same Psychiatrist again and say you might have EUPD and can you get an appointment - and not mention/minimise/deny the self harm this time? I know it sounds ridiculous but I contacted HMRC before and gave my married name when I was registered under my maiden name - and they said they couldn't speak to me as I had given the wrong name. I phoned straight back up, spoke to the same person, gave the right name and it was fine! I don't know if it would work in your situation but might be worth trying.