Should I go back on meds?

[hk1993x]

Hi all, me again 👋🥹

I came off all my meds over a month ago because I was tired of taking tablets and getting no relief. I just take diazepam if I need it.

I have tried the majority of SSRIs and SNRIs, lithium and even had ECT. I probably should of even had the ECT as I'm only depressed because of the anxiety.

I've noticed I have started having anxiety more in the evenings which I never had before. I could be going about my day and just get a random rush of emotions out the blue that end up causing me to spiral, its like it's not normal. I could be sitting, having a coffee, everything and everyone is fine and boom, my chest and stomach feel like they are going to fall out my ass. I'm becoming snappy and irritable too. I have alot of intrusive thoughts and find myself thinking, why am I even living like this? It's not fun, I'm not enjoying life and yet I have everything to live for.

Should I go back on meds? Im trying ashwagandha etc just now and even some THC gummies in the night before I go to bed. I just feel so incredibly lost and feel like I should just get locked up and get treated like a guinea pig until they find something that works.

Is it possible for a medication that worked in the past, that then pooped out to maybe be effective again?

I'm sorry for the long winded post, but I'm genuinely alive right now because of my kids, but I do find myself wishing I would go to sleep and not wake up.

This is absolute hell. I wouldn't act on my suicidal thoughts but it feels like I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. Any advice? Surely someone wouldn't be put on this earth to live day to day, absolutely terrified. I can't tell my partner or family how I'm feeling as I had a big blow up with them about it and was told they are sick and tired of hearing about it basically and that I'm a very complicated person. 🫠

If you feel worse now than you did on meds, then they must have been doing something, even if the effect was only small. I'd go back on them if it were me. I've been on meds for years. I wouldn't risk coming off them even if I was struggling, as I know it'd probably be even worse without.

I was suicidal on Sertraline so came off it (numerous times) and only realised that it was having some effect when I was off it, so I'm back on it now and things would probably feel worse if I wasn't. You could also be having withdrawal anxiety from coming off them recently - the absolute worst time in my life, and it went on for ages. I would probably try again, but experimenting with dosage etc. can be terrible for anxiety until it sort of stabilises, so it can feel worse before it feels better. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Thank you for your replies, I'm gonna speak to someone tomorrow about it. I don't have my psychiatrist until the 24th I think. I've been doing lots of googling and it seems that no matter what I do, I will always have this. I done so well for a few years on fluoxetine and it stopped working 🥹 no idea what to try next!

I came off sertraline and it took me about two years, it was a really I intentionally slow process. During that time i became gradually more anxious and I put it down to circumstances. Eventually reached a point where I felt I had no choice to go back on them and felt better within days. That’s just my experience though. Trying to work through issues whilst I’m in a better place now but perhaps I’m just less tolerant to ennui, who knows!